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I'm not sure if you have seen the internet reviews of the Gillette advert. If you get chance do watch it, don't read the comments, most are depressing. It made me cry, in that good way. I thought it was powerful and I felt it sent a strong message, yet seemed to be an apology from Gillette of the adverts of the past (though lets see the adverts of the future) and also where it shows men stepping in, I felt it was a strong message not just to men but to women as well to stand up for others. However lots of people disagree and think it is patronising and causes harm and damage. I decided I needed to understand the viewpoint of men on this topic, as it is aimed at them and do I truly understand their viewpoint? I only had one negative reaction which was "I don't need a razor company telling me how to behave, its patronising" but they agree with the sentiment, the rest felt it was powerful and positive and it gave me hope. Yet me being me, I wanted to understand more. I've pondered on this topic for a few days and realise there is a fundamental flaw that everyone is missing and that is that we are all individuals. I have very strong values and beliefs about helping others and treating others correctly. Anyone who knows me will know the following; 1) If I see animals escaped on a road I will do everything in my power to get the animals to safety, I will use my car as a blockade, I will put an animal in the boot of my car, I will help a farmer round up his lost cattle or sheep. I have been known to stop my car on a lane in the dark in a pair of heels and posh dress and run around herding cattle. - Why do I do this? I know the animals are terrified and I want them to get to safety and be unharmed and I also know that if you hit any animal in a car, bike, or whatever it can cause a fatal crash and I could not live with myself if I had not done something to prevent this. I also know that most people wouldn't do this. 2) If I see an animal injured, hurt, or being abused in anyway I will intervene. I will collect it and take it to the vets or will report it (though my reports to the RSPCA always fall on deaf ears so now I contact people I know who I think can help). - Why do I do this? Because we should not let an animal suffer and should treat them with respect. I know more people would do this, but most won't. 3) If I see a stranger crying and are on their own, I will go and ask them how they are check they are OK and will sometimes walk them home or give them a lift home. I would miss a train or a flight or whatever rather than leave them on their own. - Why do I do this? - because what if that person is feeling suicidal, what if that person is lonely? Then at least I can listen. 4) When children started breaking into the derelict school opposite my home I intervened. Mostly, me just shouting at them made them run off, one lot of teenagers still persisted to go in. I called the Police. Why did I intervene? - I know that the place is falling into disrepair and is dangerous and they could get hurt, but also just me shouting to them stops some children from committing their first crime and with it stops them doing anything else. I called the Police because I didn't want the caretakers, who are a fairground that have permission to put their caravans and trucks on this land to have to confront some drunk kids. I don't want them to get hurt. I know many people would not have intervened. 5) When I lived in a previous place and a load of youths were vandalising cars on the street I was the only one who shouted from the window. I gave them 60 seconds to stop or I called the Police, they told me to F off but then left. - Why would I do this? Because no one should have to wake up and find their property damaged, to find all their hard work trashed, but equally I bet only one of this gang wanted to do it and the others went along to not look like they weren't being "one of the lads". I could go on and on but these are my personal values and beliefs, but I also accept they aren't everyones and I cannot expect others to do as I do. Equally I am not perfect - when I go to London the homeless people on the streets fill me with despair there are so many of them. So I do nothing. Sometimes if I see a woman I'll buy them a drink, but most times I walk on by. In my home town I buy the Big Issue from the lady on the street and I may see a couple of the local drug addicts down an alleyway, but my own self preservation kicks in. I know this is going a risk too far, yet it's likely they would not harm me. So how does this relate to the Gillette advert. The ad is asking more men to step up and intervene when they see bullying, when they see harassment etc. And it's a lovely intention but I actually think that both men and women need to do this. But I understand why they will not. As a woman when a group of men is harassing a teenage girl do you intervene? Or do you think of your own safety? If you intervene are you interfering? If you don't are you allowing it to happen? For men do you intervene and risk being stabbed or attacked? Or risk being accused of being involved? What is the correct action? There is no simple answer. I know when I've been sexually assaulted or harrassed in the workplace and in public places that people have witnessed it, but although men stand by and watch it happen and do not come to my aid, woman don't either. Some of that on both sides is fear, and some is jealousy. Yes, you read that correctly, because as much as we talk about this, there is a topic we often don't talk about there are women out there who love the attention and want it, just like there are men too. Some may say no this cannot be true but I've seen it. I've been to events in the past with work colleagues, sometimes I'd be with a group of women, these were work event's and I'll be honest (and this is my prejudice) I really didn't think that the attire of some of the women was appropriate for such work event, even if it was in the evening. I remember once, one girl her skirt was so short it didn't actually cover her bottom and revealed her thong, she spent the whole event pulling it down. These were often highly ambitious women and it couldn't be more clear about how they wanted to get the attention of the male senior management team, the problem was, they brought the attention to every woman in the room. By the end of some of these nights these women weren't speaking to me and were giving me filthy looks. Why? Because although I wasn't wearing a short dress or revealing clothing I was the one who got the attention even though I didn't want it. It also often happened to other women who were dressed more demurely and weren't flirting. I've had everything from being pinned against the wall by a drunk male colleague as I went to the toilets, or drunk male colleagues trying to "dance" with you all night(you know that type of dance where they want their dick pressed against your arse) (I go on the dance floor to avoid speaking to people). I was the one who's had male colleagues "accidentally" running their hand across my backside or down my neck and i'll be honest, I learnt in my teens to shut up and put up. I learnt I was the psycho if I retaliated and, I learnt very quickly that more women hated me because they actually wanted the attention and assumed I did too. But I also get it. We're brought up in a world where unless men are looking at you, you think you aren't pretty, you aren't valued. Everything on social media, in news, TV, films has thrust this down our throats. When I got promotions I would inevitably get at least one comment about who I shagged to get it. I've had women comment to me when I have dared to complain about some form of harassment "say you lucky bitch, I'd kill to have him do that to me". So you shut up, because these women don't see it as complaining but boasting. But I'm no angel, I've worked on shop floors running trials and the banter between me and a "hot" engineer would often get me through some tedious night shifts or 12 hour day shifts. But on the shop floor I had power, I could tell them to F*** off and laugh and flirt knowing full well at the end of the shift we'd leave as mates and go home to our loved ones. And if a nice looking bloke smiled at me with a twinkle in his eye, I'd probably smile back and I would feel more attractive for it. Perhaps that's my own self esteem but I would not be offended. Equally I know the difference between the nice smile and the blatant letch. I encountered it on a plane recently where a group of German men couldn't make it any more clear they were talking about me. They' d had a few beers, they were being really letchy and my sixth sense kicked in. So I ensured I did not get stuck with them behind me in the aisle in the plane as we left and legged it through the terminal knowing I had no luggage and they did, so could get to my car and not be in a place where I was vulnerable. It's an absolute minefield - when is a nice smile to say "hi, I like you" a letch, when is a gentle touch of your arm building rapport or assault. I'll be honest, we all know what's acceptable to us and what isn't but others around won't know unless we tell them. I have delivery drivers come to my house. Most chat, some longer than others, one calls me babe, another calls me darling, another calls me lovely - I feel safe with all of them bar one! He has only been to my house once but even if I see him driving around the village I step out of sight. I opened the door and he was stood there with his shirt undone to his waist and stood back and checked me out and then said "Oh hello, I think I need to accidentally make some deliveries here more often" - he made me feel dirty and feel sick, I wanted him away from  me as soon as possible, but also didn't want to say anything as I was in my house alone. He knows where I live. Now chances are he was just being in his eyes "nice and flirty" like the other drivers and had he been a "hot" young good looking man would I have reacted differently? Who knows? All I know is this isn't easy. I know that I almost didn't publish this article, not because of feedback from men, but from women. The judgement that they'll ask what I was wearing? Was I flirting? Am I seeming arrogant and will some misconstrued this as me saying I'm some sort of good looking goddess that men love to be with! (My husband thinks so, but he's supposed too! I'm working on this for myself ) I remember reading in Psychologies a few months ago in Karla Newbey's Tantric Journey, of being judged and shamed by "friends" for flirting with a waiter and I really related to this, because I've tried to raise sexual assault and harassment discussions with other women, and that was how I was treated by my female friends/colleagues of the time and I soon learnt to never ever flirt or take a second look at a nice looking guy when I was with anyone. I don't know about you but this year I want to be strong, toned, sexy and sassy, but not for anyone else just for me, it means I'll shine my light bright, but sometimes it feels wrong. I'm older and wiser now, but that inner voice that self doubt fairy can say horrible things to me and make me doubt if being strong, toned, sexy and sassy is acceptable in our current world. So we can call out men, but let's get together as women and support each other too. Let's recognise we are sexual beings and lets listen with kindness and compassion. We will all do this in our own way, we will all accept and all be offended in our own way. We are all unique. And I have no idea how we solve the issues, but I do know that we are in a better place than before, I just hope we don't loose the fun in the world too. Thanks for reading, I hope its been useful and apologises for being quite a long sobering one this week. Bright Blessings Haulwen The Magical Mojo Coach xx

I'm an over thinker. I used to be worse but since training in Myers Briggs and NLP I've tamed the unconscious voice in my head, but sometimes it still comes and gets me. My over thinking usually relates to people, have I offended them? What do they think? Why did they say that? Why did they do that? Why did they look at me like that? I can wake in the night reliving an event from 15 years ago or wake cringing at something I did as a teenager. Since undertaking Time Line Therapy TM and training in it, I've found dealing with emotions of anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt much better, but other things pop in my head. Today I was in a world of my own, I woke at 4am and was tired most of the day. Then the inner voice sees a weak opportunity and the chatter started. It began with "Did I blank the postman?" For the life of me I couldn't remember if I'd said hello or not. It bugged me and rolled around in my head. I think I did say hello, but I'm pretty sure the post man wouldn't care less if I did or didn't. And this is how the inner voice of doubt and criticism can creep in. This wasn't important, in fact it was the only doubt my self-doubt fairy could actually find in my head, but I know how a tiny thing like that in the past could consume me. Worried I'd hurt someones feelings. I remember in my past apologising to people for something, and them looking at me like I was a nutter as they had no idea what I was apologising for. Now I know to focus on me. I knew I was tired and I have a big week coming up with overseas travel. So I scrapped my to do list and went for a walk, only a 15 minute walk from my house to my local nature reserve, down the back lanes to fairy land. I contemplated going to visit the Shire (a flat meadow dotted with cute houses by a river), but instead headed down to the troll bridge next to the witches cottage and stood leaning against the fence watching the water tumbling down the weir. I haven't been down here for so long and I had forgotten how magical this place is. As my health improves this will be my go to walk, no bumping into people complaining about the weather, life, the kids, the youth of today, brexit - just peace and quiet. The only people I saw a lady doing her garden and a man passing in his van. I felt my thoughts still, and answers to some questions came into my mind, I could see solutions and what I need for the future. The overthinking gone, a thing that doesn't come very often now, but a strategy for the future in times of need. So now to relax and recharge and feel free of the inner voice in my head. So inner voice F**K OFF is this the best you can throw at me now! Welcome to my inner voice, time for a warm bath with healing salts and essential oils, to shut up my self-doubt fairy's latest attempt at take over. At least the self doubt is around really silly things now! What does your inner self doubt voice say! Anything as silly as mine? have a fab week Haulwen

Every week through 2019 I'll be discussing a phrase or word that I relate to self-care. This week my words is to CONTEMPLATE When was the last time you cleared your mind and contemplated? The Oxford English dictionary defines contemplation as; 1) Look thoughtfully for a long time at. 2) Think about. 3) Think deeply and at length. 4) Have in view as a probable intention. When we stop and look thoughtfully at something, think deeply it is easy to go into a space of mindful thinking without realising it, yet for many taking time to do this is often seen as "lazy" "selfish". For every problem we have in our lives, for every question the answers already are within us, if only we will give our mind, body and soul the time to unravel and bring the answer to the fore. When I have a need to contemplate life, to find the answers, I go to one of my special places. Sometimes it's sitting in the garden, or walking down to my local nature reserve into fairyland and down to the troll bridge to watch the water tumbling over the weir. The rustle in the trees, the caw of a raven, the sound of waves crashing on a beach or water tumbling over rocks and stones calm me. They calm my mind, my spirit and I feel my inner wise woman awaken. An energy surge and source of my own comes into me and the answers tumble out into my conscious mind like summer rain on parched grass. Sometimes the revelations are outstanding and other times they are not, but it is something I need and crave if I don't do it. This is essential for my wellbeing, for my self care, yet it is something I neglected for many years and with it my health deteriorated. When was the last time you looked thoughtfully for a long time at something? Why not do it this week? Take some time - go to a gallery and stare at some art, watch a squirrel in the park, sit and stare at the birds, or watch the sunset or sunrise on the skyline. Go out and stare at the stars or the moon. Just contemplate, just wonder and just see, hear and feel what comes to you. We have all the answers within. Spend some time contemplating and bring calm to your life. Bright Blessings Haulwen

If you had to choose one word for 2019 what would that word be? A word that sums up the life you want to have? A word that distills your dreams into letters with meaning. It may be more than one word, a sentence that will describe the world that you will live in. Or it may be lots of different words - perhaps one for each month, for each day for each week, or just a number of words that resonate with you. This week my words are TO BE STILL. Being still doesn't mean being lazy it means being still, just as water will still in a pond but there may be running water underneath that needs slowing down. Just as a swan seems still and serene on the surface as it paddles away underneath. Being still for me is allowing myself to sit and dream. To stare out of windows and watch the birds on the bird feeder or in the trees, to watch the cobweb gently moving on my ceiling from the heat of the radiator. To stare at the fairy lights on my Christmas tree (which will remain standing until I feel like taking it down). Being still for me is long gentle walks in nature filling my heart with joy when I see a rainbow, sparkling frost, a Jay, goldfinches, hellebores in my garden, the first snowdrop, crocus and daffodil shoots. Being still for me is long lazy baths in dead sea salts with my own choice of essential oils. Rosemary and Eucalyptus to invigorate, geranium and rose to relax. Being still for me is resting when my body asks for it. Keeping warm on these cold days and eating warming foods that nourish and comfort - vegetarian chilli, hot creamy porridge, warming soups, nourishing herbal teas. Being still for me is allowing myself to listen to my mind, body and souls wants and needs. But also to recognise the signs when something is wrong - aches and pains, that nagging doubt in my gut. This week spend some time every day being still. How does it make you feel? What are you thinking? Bright Blessings Haulwen

Everywhere I look I see people posting about their plans and goals for 2019. Dry January, meat free January, exercise January etc, etc. Every magazine, every paper, every social media feed is filled with all the "stuff" we "should" be doing for the new year and I say "NO" We are in the winter months and we need to be taking our inspiration from nature. This is a time for nurturing ourselves, for continuing with our self-imposed hibernation and self-care. This is a time for recharging, resting and dreaming. By all means start thinking about what you'd like to achieve in your life, in the next 30 days, the next 90 days, the next year, the next 3 years, but don't feel that you have to quit everything and put in loads of energy, because there is a good chance you will fail. Instead this is a time for gently awakening ourselves. It's a time to read those books and prepare for the dreams and wishes that we will make come true in the future. It's a time for being kind to ourselves, not forcing our bodies to do things that it isn't designed to do at this time of year. I've just finished reading "cosy" by Laura Weir - that is what we need to do now, get cosy on our own, get cosy with loved ones. Nurture ourselves, our lives, our homes and our relationships. Be still and listen to the "sap" starting to rise. Look deep into our hearts and our souls  and take the time to decide what we really want. If you want to reflect on the last 12 months do it, if you don't want to then focus on the now. If you want to set an intention for the year and goals for the next 3 years, do it. If you don't want to focus on this don't, do some reconnecting with your inner wise woman to ensure that the dreams and wishes you aspire to are really yours, not those of others or the world around you. Eat warming nourishing food - casseroles, chilli, curry, stew. Do GENTLE exercise, many people who live over 100 years old do gentle exercise such as walking, swimming and gardening. When you can get outside in nature, enjoy every moment you can, just being still and watching our amazing natural world. Be still. Look to nature for what you want to do. The trees are resting, as are most of the flowers. As the snowdrops and crocuses rise, allow yourself to rise a little too. Watch for the blooms and the bees to determine when you should start being more energetic. Look to the rising sun and shorter nights to tell you when to do more. Do one small thing a day towards your dreams - and I mean small. Read a book, take a bath, listen, breathe, meditate. Just be. At this time of year my favourite past-time is day dreaming - watching the silvery afternoon light change the look and feel of my garden. I just day dream, I let my brain have the time it needs to juggle everything around and tell me what I really need right now. So use this time for reconnecting with you, your home, your area, your friends, your family. Have hearty meals for 1 or for many. Snuggle in PJ's and blankets. Allow your mind, body and spirt its self-care and hibernation, so you are prepared for spring. Look for the magic, look for the wonder, look for the miracles. Use this time to prepare in simple easy ways and love yourself unconditionally each day. Sending you love and prosperous wishes for 2019. Bright Blessings Haulwen

On 23rd November 2018 I had worked for 20 years in packaging. In this role I've worked for manufacturers of wet wipes, of cheese & butter, of packaging itself, I've worked for a government "quango" (though they never liked that term) about reducing food and packaging waste and I've worked for a major brand who make yogurt, and supply milk to most of your breakfast tables. I never planned a career in packaging. In the UK no one does as there is limited training and no university degrees. Whereas France, Germany, Sweden, USA etc. all have degree programmes in packaging and people plan careers in this subject. (I have spent the last 5 years trying to rectify this in the UK, but to no avail). I did a degree in Environmental Biology and I'd planned on working for people like the Wildlife Trusts, The Environment Agency, or other environmental organisations. I envisaged a life in steel toe cap boots, combat trousers, with warm fleece and waterproofs driving a van or Landrover around the countryside doing testing, conservation work etc. So how did I end up in packaging? When I was at University I went as a mature student, I funded myself by working in part-time jobs in term time and in my holidays. This was my mistake, It soon became clear on leaving my degree that my odd days doing volunteer work for my local wildlife trust and being a farmers daughter, who'd been involved in conservation and outdoor work since I could walk, was not deemed relevant. If I wanted to work in the UK countryside arena I should have gone and done conservation work in South America, in Australia, basically anywhere but at home in the UK. I was told, we want you but you'll need to do 2 years volunteer work. This was full time volunteer work where they needed me to be flexible at a moments notice to attend events and do emergency conservation work. I'll be honest I was devastated. The crunch came when me and another woman from my University applied for the same role. Going onto Welsh Farms giving advice on grants and conservation to welsh hill farmers. I didn't even get an interview, the other lady did and we had identical degrees and qualifications and our CV's and letters were in the same format. I phoned to ask why I didn't get an interview, my friend asked as well as she felt I had more relevant experience 1) I was a farmers daughter and she'd barely set foot on a farm in her life and agreed that she barely knew one end of a sheep from another.  2) I had a basic knowledge of Welsh and she spoke none. But it came down to the fact she'd gone and done conservation work overseas, because she'd had a family who could support her to do this and I hadn't had the funds too. I soon realised that I couldn't afford to go and work in conservation. I needed to earn money, I didn't have anyone who could cover my costs for me. If I did volunteer work I was told I couldn't get any job seekers allowance etc, because I would be "working for free and not available for paid work". So as I'd done when I'd been at University I began temping. I got offered a job at a large bank but I turned it down, knowing it wasn't for me. I got a temping job in a town 45 minutes drive from my home inputting data into the Poisons Bureau. It paid the bills and I kept looking for a permanent role in conservation. The company I was working for was expanding and one of the senior managers suggested to the business I should be kept on, I'd got great potential and he thought I'd fit in a new packaging development role they had to support the current packaging person. The same day they offered me this job, my local wildlife trust offered me a permanent unpaid volunteer job. I wanted the conservation job, I asked if they'd at least cover the cost of my fuel to get to their main office which was also a 45 minute drive away and also cover the cost of my fuel to travel to all their reserves across the county. They couldn't do either. It was impossible to get from my home on public transport and certainly not to the reserves so I had to decline. I took the packaging job. Even then I knew this wasn't the role for me, but soon the golden handcuff's were applied. I needed to replace my car to keep doing the journeys to and from work as it kept breaking down. No one would give me a loan to get a car, but instead they offered me a 100% mortgage. This was the late 1990's - so I purchased a house in the town where I was working and dutifully settled into the job. I'm one of those people who will always do a job well, even if I don't like it. My other packaging colleague went off on long term sick soon after I joined and found myself running the department and having to recruit a team. I was already unhappy. I had a couple of mini exhaustion breakdowns and constant bouts of ill health. I kept on going. I did evening classes and trained in aromatherapy and body massage. My empathic "gifts" came out strong with me spending more time sitting and listening and coaching women, than actually doing massage and aromatherapy. I'd ask simple questions and suddenly they'd tell me everything about their lives, things they'd never told anyone else. When I did treatments I could see and feel a persons emotions and illness. Treating some people it felt like black treacle was ousing out of them and into me. I'd feel drained and exhausted. I found the way people opened up to me scary. It had happened all my life until that point, but I'd known these people, these were random strangers brought in my the college for our classes. I had no idea what to do, I wanted to help people, but this was terrifying. I qualified in my aromatherapy and body massage, but other than using the aromatherapy for home use and advising others on it, I never did massage again. Every year I'd get the details of the degree in Herbal Medicine, but my experiences with aromatherapy scared me off, I wanted to train, I've always loved using herbs, but I was scared of the clinical practice and also didn't have the time to spend away from home doing it. 6 Weeks when I only had 4 weeks holiday. Soon I'd moved onto another company and a new role, I had a company car, a new handcuff, but my ego was taking over. I had my dream car, I got to travel across the UK. But I was still not happy. I kept looking up Herbal Medicine, I kept not pursuing it. I went to the Bach Flower Remedy Centre in Oxfordshire and had a moment of enlightenment. I felt so alive there, but I still didn't do it. Soon I was head hunted for a new role, they gave me the money I asked for, the car I asked for. I couldn't believe anyone would pay me that much money. Now to be fair of all the roles, I did enjoy this one. A small company and I enjoyed the camaraderie, I was there a long time, I thought I'd stay, but things changed and unwanted attention from a senior manager made me start looking to move on. I found what looked to be my dream job. Environmental and packaging combined. I took a wage drop, I'd not have a company car and I'd have to Iive away from home Monday to Friday. I made the leap. This would bring all my passions together. But alas it wasn't what I thought it would be. I didn't feel like my knowledge was being used. I was employing expensive consultants in and I was overseeing them, yet the time it did to put the project out to bid I could have delivered it. I found the job frustrating and demotivating. I'd given up so much for this? My financial situation was a worry, I managed to persuade the company that I'd work from home 2 days a week. I'd travel down early Monday morning, stay with one friend on a Monday night and another friend on a Tuesday night, then drive back late Wednesday evening. Then things took a turn. My dad was taken ill, so Thursday to Sunday I'd run the farm and keep up to date with my job in-between. Both friends I was staying with had crisis - one taken ill with CFS/ M.E. so I'd try and help out with cleaning, cooking and shopping on that night. The other recovering from cancer, who's mother-in-law had just been murdered, who's children were going through every thing imaginable. I'd be trying to get kids fed, homework done and to bed, whilst their mom was crying in the corner and we were trying to make sure the children didn't see. When a head hunter contacted me about a job close to home I said yes, even though it was a company I'd vowed not to work for. I got the job, I resigned from the job away from home, I fell ill in my notice period. I never returned to that old job which made be feel guilty, and ashamed for letting people down. I started my new job, I would come home and cry with exhaustion and then one day we did a team day and I almost collapsed. I was sent home. I was soon diagnosed with CFS / M.E.. I was put on reduced hours, the company gave me lots of support for about 6 months and then over night turned on me. Making accusations which were unfounded (and later realised the complaints had actually been made about someone else not me). I should have left then. I remember sitting rocking in my chair at home wishing I could get my old car back (again I had a company car so those hand cuffs were even tighter). I actually did a search on auto trader for it. A red VW Golf 1.9 GT TDI - there was only one for sale, It was my old car - the commentary said "someone must have loved this car". I should have seen that as a big ole sign from the universe of buy this car, get out do your own thing. But I didn't. I'd built up debt from the previous job, I didn't think I could get another job. I stuck it out. Fear stopped me leaving. For the first 18 months of this new job I hated it, I had more run in's with people than in any other job and my confidence deteriorated, but I kept on going. The irony is this ended up being the job I stayed in for the longest. 7 years. I must have read so many blogs, articles, books to help me out of this situation, but I still didn't know what I really wanted to do, I still was scared. On 2nd December 2016 I quit that job, the night before I'd almost crashed my car twice on the way home with exhaustion. I felt like everything I did was wrong. I gave 6-months notice to get my bonus and some money behind me and I was terrified. People were trying to persuade me to stay, but the offers were never quite right. Then one manager did listen and did persuade me to stay, but he unexpectedly left 2 weeks later and then I knew I had to go. I still didn't know what I was going to do. For the previous 9 years I'd been writing children books and going to writing events, but I also knew it wasn't a way to make money and my spending addiction to deal with stress had not left me in a situation where I could afford not to earn. Ironically it wasn't me who figured out what I should do next, but my team. They said I should be a coach. I remember thinking "oh yes" I spoke to a coach the company used and I booked on a course to train as a Myers Briggs Practitioner and as an NLP Practitioner. I booked on a facilitation training course too. In the last month of my notice period I was approached to do some consultancy on packaging. I wanted to leave the packaging world, but I said yes, it was money, it was an income. I'd planned on having 3-months just finding myself, but the Monday after I left I was doing packaging consultancy. I spent the summer attending my training courses. Everyone in the industry kept advising me "to do this, to do that". I hired a business coach and they said to focus on my packaging not my coaching. I listened to everyone else but not myself and pursued packaging, i did short contracts, I got offered what sounded like perfect assignments, but each one fell through once they made it clear I wasn't to do anything else. Almost a year after leaving my job I had to stop. Illness, no internet - everything contrived to make my world stop and I realised even though I was working for myself I was still doing what everyone else said not what my heart was saying. I had about 3-4 months of revelations, I launched my Mojo Academy (which I love running so much) and decided to make my packaging work for me and on my terms. Everything was slotting into place and then I fell ill. They say that when you make the leap and you've made it definite, all your unconscious defence mechanisms will kick in to persevere you from harm. And in some cases this will be making you bed bound. And this happened. Fear has been the thing that has held me back so many times from following my dreams, now it was striking again in a different way. I've worked in packaging for 20-years and from year 1 I've looked for a way out, yet fear and guilt have held me back. 20 years. Do I regret it? No. Because in those 20-years I have managed teams and coached individuals and I am so proud of each one of those people, to see them grow and develop. Because that's what I truly love doing. I adore helping people to unscramble their minds, to focus on the important, to take the learnings and turn them into opportunities, to support them and guide them in making their dreams come true. Because all those experiences in the last 20 years have made me who I am, have made me be a better coach, have made me recognise where I can help people going forward. I've made so many amazing friends in this time, I've seen so many amazing places, I met my husband and I've always found the packaging role itself interesting and rewarding, I just hated the politics. I know I have been instrumental in reducing and stopping 1,000's of tonnes of packaging being produced and taken 1,000's of trucks off the road. I know when I look back I've probably done more for the environment in 20 years in packaging than I would have working for my local wildlife organisation. It's taken me 20-years to make my leap, to move on and now I know that my own experience will only help me to coach others to make their leap in the right timescales for them. And I'm sure in 1 year, in 5 years, in 10 years - I will have grown and developed more. I know I want to do my Bach Flower remedies and my herbalism. I know I want to have my own lavender farm and distill my own lavender oil. I know I will write that children's book, though I have a self-help book to release first. It's Ok for us to take our time, but when we know it's time, it's good to find the best way to make the leap, so we do it to suit us. It took 20 years to make my life leap? How long will it take you? Bright Blessings Haulwen

Did we ever truly intend to be the busy worker bees that we have become? Every year new technology is launched, that will help us, to give us more time, yet every year we feel more and more "out of sync" "overwhelmed" "exhausted". Slaves to technology to modern lighting, to a modern world. Now the world has produced many miracles, which save lives, but now the main illness in the West, with the most sick days, is stress, exhaustion, tiredness. We've lost our natural rhythms and patterns. Everything is immediate, we buy, we work, we spend, we buy ,we work ,we spend. We become soul-less "doings". We need to reconnect. We need to reconnect with our cycles - the moon, the sun, the stars. With the seasons, with the food, the weather, the light... We need to recognise when in these points we need to slow down and when to speed up. We need to know when to hibernate. Not just in the winter months, but when is your hibernation time each day, when is your hibernation time each month? We need to listen... We need to feel... We need to stop, to think... We need to fall back in love with the beauty of life, love, the universe and we need to reconnect with ourselves. Hibernation, stillness is all part of nature - look at a tree, a bird, a bear, a ladybird, a bee. Each slows down and rests at some point during its cycle. They know when to stop, yet we, the most intelligent animals on the planet, we do not. Stopping is the key to our own wellbeing and sanity. If we do not stop we cannot hear the screams and shouts from our inner wise woman who is telling us exactly what she needs. So we need to learn how to hibernate and reconnect with life. By doing this we reconnect with ourselves and our loved ones. We become beings again and stop just doing for "doing's sake". Whether it's taking time to pause each month during our own monthly cycle or slowing down as the days get shorter. Practicing our own hibernation can really make a difference to each and every one of us. Some of us will want to hibernate on our own, others with friends and family. Why not make it a ritual with your family to hibernate together each December and make this season about love and laughter. Bright Blessings Haulwen PS below is my Dr Seuss moment! In the winter months it's a time to slow down, to snuggle, to cuddle, to huddle up tight, and to listen to stories on cold winter nights. More hours of darkness will make us more weary, on days when the days can feel ever so dreary. So find out a way, that makes you feel right, And hibernate now for today or tonight.

Money what does it mean to you? What words do you associate with money? Our psychology around money is often one of the biggest issues in our lives. Many of us have limiting beliefs around money and feel like we have "golden hand-cuffs" keeping us trapped in a job, in a situation we don't like or what we "should do". I remember so many occasions when I wanted to quit a job but didn't because of money. Perhaps you feel the same? One time when I was taking a wage drop and losing a company car to do something I thought was my dream job, my husband did say "Are you really going to stay for a car rather than follow your dreams?" I tried the "dream" job, it didn't work out, but it did open up a million more opportunities. What did I do when the "dream" job didn't work out, I went and got a job doing something similar to what I did before, because that's the worse case scenario. Even now I am self-employed I know that the worse case scenario is I have to go back into employment doing what I did before. I get approached on a regular basis to do that and I see lots of adverts and I know there are lots of jobs. I also know I wouldn't hate going back to do that sort of job and probably for 1- 2 years I'd enjoy the challenge before I end up back at the frustrated part. But that's my worse case scenario, and that means I can pay the bills. What's the worse case scenario if you make a sudden leap? So going back to money - being self-employed has allowed me to really delve into my appalling relationship with money. This has been the biggest revelation and the biggest limiting belief area for me to fix. When we look back at the language used around you as a child about money, what did money mean? Was it the off hand comments "money doesn't grow on trees" "Rich people are evil and greedy" "we can't afford" "oh that's expensive" "how much?" "why do you need that much money" I have a money target for my overall businesses, its a generous target, the reason being I've learnt the more money I have, the more I can help other people. I've always dreamt of setting up my own charity, I've always dreamed of being able to help people in their time of need. And in the past it was drilled into me, from the people around me, that having money was a bad and evil thing. Only the other day some relatives saw my money target and they said "you don't need that much money" - and now I can laugh and brush off a comment whereas in the past I would have felt guilty for wanting to earn a good income. Is my target in the millions, no, not even half millions, it's enough to buy a home, and ensure I have enough savings and to build up a good pension pot so I can care for my husband and my parents with private care facilities in old age and set up care provision for myself, my husband is 12 years older than me and I have no children, so I need to ensure I have the money to have good quality carers for me when I'm the mad old cat lady. And also, to set up my charitable trust. This language, this negative language around money shapes us and we have to find a way to break this negative chain. We have to fall back in love with money and not fear it. All the negativity around money had the opposite impact on me, instead of saving I spent. How many of us use "retail therapy" to get us through the stresses in life? How often do you "deserve" it? That was completely me, spending on clothes and shoes was my stress survival technique. A genuine addiction giving me the same buzz as drugs, alcohol and all those other addictive habits and substances. Spending addiction is just like a gambling addiction and can be as destructive. I amassed 10's of thousands of £'s of debt, and however much I earned in my big salary jobs it was never enough. Because the higher up the ranks I went, the more stressed I got and the more I shopped. Is this a familiar story for you? Did you like me feel shame, anger, hide from it? The irony of course is the more I shopped, the more I felt trapped by my jobs and the more I felt those "golden hand-cuffs". When I quit my job one thing I discovered was how little money I needed? I thought my bonus would last 6 months it lasted almost 12. Now those fancy shoes and dressed I'm selling on eBay and giving me financial freedom. I still have debts, but I'm now in control. I earn less money but I value every penny. I no longer feel guilt around money, but I respect it, I love it and I know that my relationship has changed. My husband and I now talk about money, rather than avoiding it. When I first went into self-employment I felt guilt for charging for my services, now I know I give lots of value. But it's taken a lot of self reflection to recognise my worth, I still have months when I think"how will I pay the bills" yet each month I give my self a talking to, I do some mindfulness and get back into good habits around checking my money daily, treating it like a plant that needs attention and nurturing and each time my mindset changes, money comes to me with ease and each time I get a "twang" of guilt for wanting money so I can put food on the table I again give myself a talking to, I am worth it, I deserve to be able to pay my bills, I deserve to be able to eat and I deserve to be able to build up some savings either now or in the near future. Just like with all emotions what we give out comes back to us. So if we focus on lack of money, then we will have lack of money, focus on abundance not only of money, but abundance of love, abundance of laughter, abundance of cuddles, abundance of everything and then your life will be full of abundance. Is it easy to change your mindset? It will take time, it's taken me about 12-months, it may take you 12-weeks, we are all different. Start the process now. So, if you are wondering if you should stay or go in your current role, work on your money mindset first, get your money head in the right place so you expect a life of abundance, then make your leap and you will fly high. I love Money a love Story by Kate Northrup as a great starting point. Good luck Ha

I've noticed a lot of people this week talking about their lives. What they write may be familiar to you whether it's time to change career, or jobs, or set up your own business. You may feel like you are coming towards those milestones in your life, significant birthdays, important dates, children leaving home or just a feeling inside. And with this you are looking back feeling like you are a failure, or you haven't achieved what you thought you would, or even just cannot envisage what the future holds. For some of you it may be you've finally got that top job you've always dreamt about and you somehow feel empty and you start wondering how you got here. I think most of us think this at some point, but like the mask I mentioned in my last blog we carry on because we feel we should. Because we should be grateful, because we should be careful, because thats what is expected of us. When you do finally get to that place where you think "actually something does need to change" it can feel like you've suddenly opened up a window in your mind and its being bombarded with images as if you're travelling on a fast train with the world whirling by. Where do you go? What do you do? I've felt like this since my mid 20's - in my first packaging job I was doing night classes in Aromatherapy and body massage, but I had a good job and a degree, why would I jack it all in. Every year I requested the information to train in Herbal Medicine. Every year I came up with excuses "i have a good job" "I'm fortunate" "I should be grateful". Even my breakdowns - one in my 20's (literally every time someone spoke to me I burst into tears and didn't know why), diagnosed with M.E. in my late 30's, I still kept on going. "I have a good job" " I can't earn money like this anywhere else" "I need to have paid all my bills" "I need to have bought a house" " I need to have more savings" " I should be grateful" " I'd be stupid to give all this up" " I've built this experience and knowledge and reputation, I should focus on that as its hard to get" If I do something different, it will be hard" "what will people think". All phrases I'm sure you are familiar with. And every holiday, every Christmas, every New Year, every birthday, at the anniversary of my brothers death, at the anniversary of all of my friends deaths I'd say, this time next year, it'll be different. You all know my story, and on 2nd December 2018 its 2 years since I resigned. (Please read my story in my blogs HERE if you want to find out more). I've learnt a lot in 2 years and I have an understanding of what you are going through, though all of our stories are beautifully unique. So what is my advice. 1) DO NOT get to the point I did. 2) Spot the warning signs and start taking some time to consider. This could be booking some time off on your own, at home, at a retreat and having a couple of days to really clear your head. Or if you need to talk it through, do this with a friend you can trust to be honest with you and not "bullish*t" you with answers they think you want to hear. If you don't have anyone consider support groups online or face to face, coaching, mentoring etc. 3) Self-care - this has to be your number one priority. Whatever way suits you. Cancel 80% of what you are doing and focus on 20% of things which are productive to you so you can have that long bath, that walk or whatever it is. This is harsh but honestly your health may never recover if you don't put this first. It may mean you don't clean the house, don't send out birthday cards, decline the party you didn't want to go to anyway. But do it. If you can hire some stuff out like cleaning, ironing, washing the car etc then do it. 4) Figure out who you are? I use Myers Briggs and even though it tells you what you know, sometimes we just need reminding what our preferences are so we can see in writing our strengths and our opportunities for growth. The amount of times I've gone back to people and said " lets read your profile, OK talk this through with me" and you can see them recognise "oh yes, the reason I'm frustrated, angry etc - is because I'm operating in an area where I need development, or its against my preference so I need to learn how to cope better". Find a process that works for you. 5) When you know who you are you can reconnect with your comfort zone, and when you do that you can reenergise yourself. 6) Once you are reenergised you can then look at your frustrations, your worries, your inner self-doubt fairy etc and step back and put some perspective on the situation. Are you working outside of your comfort zone 80% of the time? No wonder you're tired. 7) Self-development - Look at how you can tap into your strengths and what can you dump and delegate. ( look at your job description are you doing what you thought the job would be or has it evolved into something you don't actually like). - look at EXPANDING your comfort zone by recognising what training you think you need. Don't wait around for anyone to do this for you and don't rely on the company you work for. Go out and invest in yourself and regain the power of developing yourself just for you. 8) Before making any major decisions really spend some time thinking it through or at least ensure you have a safety net. I resigned from my job on the spur of the moment, but I gave 6 months notice when I only had to give 3 and knew I had a large bonus coming, so I had a safety net. 9) If you're thinking of leaving your job, consider the reasons; Is this the job you thought it would be? If its changed so much that you don't enjoy it can you discuss with your manager? If you are going to leave the company because you think its the company you work for, or manager etc - STOP - you may leave and find you've jumped out of the frying pan into the fire and in the same position in 6-months in a new job, because it wasn't the company but the job that you need to change. Equally it may not be the job or the company, it could just be you. If you think this might be the case does your company offer sabbaticals, or a chance to try a different role in another department. Make suggestions and see where it leads. In my job, 3 months before, I'd asked to take a demotion to a role that was coming up for the company and do it on a 4 day week. The company didn't even consider my request I just got a flat no and then when I said I was resigning they suddenly realised I was serious. I could go on and could talk about self-employment, and relationships etc - but I'll save them for next time. I just really wanted you to realise their are lots of options out there. I want you to take your time and spot the signs, so you can move forward with your life and reach out and talk about it, if thats what you need. I hope this was useful. Bright Blessings Haulwen The Magical Mojo Coach

Authentic, I read somewhere recently it is one of the most over used words of this moment and I'm sure we've all read things about this, particularly if you're a business owner. Be "authentic" that's what people are looking for and everywhere we go people put on the "authentic" smile. We've all fallen foul of it, I know I have, how do I be true and authentic but also be genuine and honest. When I try to be authentic I feel false and needy. How do I come across as me on social media channels that are all about showing the good times only? It's hard, it's tiring and overwhelming, we put on one mask after another mask, trying to fit in at work, at school, with the neighbours, on here, trying to be something. SOMETHING. We fumble around lost, looking for answers to questions we don't even know flicking from social media, to the internet, to tv, back to social media. Sometimes we'll take a break read a magazine, read a book, looking and longing for answers that never come. Looking for solutions to our problems, that never arise. Hoping for a magic wand, something to make us into that something that is missing from our lives, though we have no idea what it is. But... What if we don't really want to find that answer, does fear stop us? Or perhaps guilt at not being grateful for what you have now? Perhaps you dwell in sadness about what could have been? Or feel angry at your lot or perhaps hurt that others have over looked you? It feels like your head is going to explode or contract or do something that defies the laws of physics. You want out, you want to stop, to scream, to shout, for quiet, for reflection. Everything feels likes its tearing against each other. Should you laugh, or should you cry? You try being grateful and think of people who are homeless, starving, in war torn countries, but it still doesn't stop that ache. That deep down ache that there is another way, there is another something, something authentic, true, genuine, pure. Is it OK to want that amazing house, that nice car and nice clothes or should you want a simpler life? Being a roaring success is frowned upon in the media, and wow betide you have failure, success and then failure. Be mediocre, hide your face, stay behind the mask, be the SOMETHING, we're supposed to be. Does this sound familiar? Does it resonate? Do you feel like you are silently being torn apart inside trying to figure it all out. It doesn't matter your age, your gender, your religion, your race - it's a feeling of being shackled, trapped, drained, confined, OVERWHELMED and you want to break free. Yet every one of us has the answers, every one of us has the power to be free, to grow, to love, to find that something. Because that SOMETHING is SOMEBODY and that SOMEBODY is YOU. Because you are awesome, amazing and when you peel back the mask of conformity you will find the sexiest, savviest, genuine, authentic, badass, who is roaring loud and quiet, gleaming brightly yet isn't glaring. I call it the inner wise woman. I call mine my inner witch. Because being authentic, being genuine, being true means you have to show the good side, thats the side everyone wants isn't it, but how many of you release the wicked side? How often is your genuine true inner vamp allowed out to play, because when you can show the dark with the light, the black with the white, the good and the bad, the demons and the angels, that's when you've truly found your POWER and that's when you can take control of your life, feel in control and ditch the overwhelm. That's when your inner SOMEBODY, your authentic genuine true self is really free. Tell me how you're going to embrace your inner darkness and inner light. SHINE bright. Bright Blessings Haulwen Hi I have a free Facebook group The Mojo Coaching Club for more tips.

Halloween you either love it or hate it or are vaguely indifferent to this celebration. When I was a child there was no trick or treat, that was an American thing you saw on the TV, though I lived on a farm on a busy main road without a footpath so we'd have had no visitors anyway. A girl in school had her birthday around this time and would always have a halloween themed party which we loved, I remember my cousin helping to make a witches hat out of paper and a broom out of sticks and wood. I personally don't like what Halloween has become. Yet another commercial event where people spend money on things they can't really afford. Halloween is an interesting festival with lots of meanings in many different cultures and religions. I prefer to focus on the old religions and their meaning. Here this festival is called Samhain and it marks the end of the circle of the year, the final spoke in the wheel. The harvest is finished, the dying god is interred and the goddess has descended to the underworld to be reunited with her love. Above the underworld, the people prepare for the veil between the world of the dead and the world of the living and all the other worlds that we do not normally see, to thin. It's a time for spirits, and faeries. It's a time for home and hearth and protection through the winter. This is a time for remembrance, to remember those we have lost in the year and what we have lost or shed ourselves in the last 12 months. Perhaps start a new family ritual and lay orange flowers and/or rosemary on relatives graves. Or just go into a grave yard and find a neglected grave to tidy up and lay flowers on for those who no longer have anyone to remember them. It's a time for reflection, to consider what we've achieved since this time last year, to consider what we have learnt. This is the time to start thinking about the new year - gardeners and farmers will be planning their crops for 2019, making plans and managing their resources and we can do the same. People often start their plans for the New Year in December or even January but we should take our time. Consider our learnings and reflect on the last 12 months so we can make the next 12 months even more successful. So this Halloween why not start considering what you want to achieve in 2019. Think about what you will have achieved by this time next year and do a step by step plan, moving back to now, of how you will achieve it. If you have children perhaps get them to make a vision board of what they want to achieve (they can think of it as a wish board and it's a visual way to make a spell for the future, remember a spell is just like an affirmation, a mantra or a prayer). Consider how you'll spend the winter months preparing for what you want - it could be reading those books, doing that online course, or just resting by an open fire. Give yourself the time to really consider and plan a year that will see change happen, by embracing those dark winter nights and giving yourself time to think, plan and just be. This Halloween have a toast to those who have left you and thank them for the impact they had on your life. Slow down just like the natural world is, rest, recharge so you are ready for a glorious year to come. Bright Blessings and Happy Halloween Haulwen

My last blog was 2.5 weeks ago. I sang out about shining bright. I felt amazing - so strong and full of life. I posted the blog whilst I was on holiday on the Lleyn Peninsula in Wales, my spiritual home. Then that night I woke with dizziness and nausea. Over 2 weeks later the nausea is less, I'm eating (though not like before) and I still have dizziness with certain manoeuvres. (getting out of bed and into bed, looking up and looking down, sudden movements, etc.). My neck is locked and my back and shoulders sore, the body aches form lack of exercise and I'm sleeping for 14 hours a night. Something obviously needs addressing. The one thing I've had is lots of time to think. As most physical activity, watching tv, reading and generally doing anything other than look out the window has made me nauseous and/or dizzy I decided I needed to focus on my unconscious mind. What is it telling me? What do I need to learn from this incident? What do I need to wake up to? I received some great tips in the Psychologies Life Leap Group which have helped me to think beyond the physical and look at my emotional and psychological needs. This is my body slowing me down and it tried last year with a sprained ankle and is now doing it in a way which means I have to slow or be dizzy. I became self-employed to gain more of a work life balance, but its engrained in me to "work hard" to achieve anything. Before this illness I'd already decided that for me to shine bright I needed to change my routine. I'd planned to spend mornings focused on me, self care, learning etc and afternoons on my business. (this is my preferred way of working as I'm more of an evening person). However, watching a BBC horizon programme I realise I can potentially change this so I'll try out what works best. I need to spend more time outdoors and in nature and being bed bound for 4 days showed me I go "stir-crazy" being inside. I have to do this, no excuses. I need to balance my earth, air, fire and water. I have felt like there is too much fire and I have really not enjoyed this unseasonal warm weather these last few weeks, today I am grateful for cool winds that feel refreshing and I'm going to go for a light swim to balance out my need for water. I'd realised that the dizziness is saying I have too much going on in my life - I'm not focused enough, I'm darting from one thing to the next and I need to make a choice. My nausea is about letting go. (thanks Alex) I've known for a while what this is but been slightly afraid to do anything about it. I need to let go of my packaging career. On 23rd November 2018 I have been doing it for 20 years. It is not what I enjoy but it pays the bills. And at the moment I need to make money. I desperately want to put my energy into my Mojo Academy, to help 1000's of women to reconnect with their inner wise woman. I want to write a book about it, and the reason I did it as a membership academy rather than 1 to 1 coaching is to make it affordable and reach as many people as possible. I now have questions I need to ask myself. What do I fear of letting go of my Packaging career? What will happen when I do? So now I am devising a plan. Setting a date in the future to hang up my packaging coat, and setting timescales to make the Mojo Academy and my book my priority. I need to see Packaging as the day job that pays the bills until the Mojo Academy can. And I need to make this happen now. This month in the Mojo Academy I've been talking about letting go of the 5 negative emotions - anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt. I realise I often feel angry at the way people assume I'll do things for free in the packaging industry, I feel sad that things aren't changing as quickly as I'd like them to, I feel fearful of leaving something I'm good at and known for years, and I feel hurt that people in the industry seem to take advantage or me (or should I say I let them) but then I feel guilty for letting them down. Your unconscious mind will always take the easiest route to get you to your goal, it's ensuring that the easiest route is also the right route. I realise the goal I wrote doesn't specifically say what I want to be doing when I achieve my goal of my home on the Lleyn. Currently the way it is going I'd have a home on the Lleyn but would be spending my time travelling the UK doing packaging assignments. In the first bundle I have in the Mojo Academy, I tell my wise women to write a specific goal and guide them into how to do this, it's ok to change and modify these goals if you suddenly realise you haven't been specific enough. Our goals should be specific, but how we get them should not, allowing options and choices to emerge to help us on our way. How specific are your goals? Are you finding you are heading towards them, but not quite in the way you'd hoped? Then review and revise. Listen to your instinct, to your unconscious mind. Look for the signs and let your inner wise woman guide you to be your own brightest light. Bright Blessings, Haulwen