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- Living with the pain
I rarely talk about what it's like living with endometriosis and adenomyosis, but today as I can feel waves of pain through my abdomen I decide to capture it. My periods are due to start, well they are and they aren't, I haven't had a full-blown period for months, as I am in perimenopause, just some light spotting and that's it. But I still have the pain. it's not like it used to be and that's a problem. I dismiss it, as it's not as bad as before. I've been feeling energised for days and suddenly I get a wave of fatigue, and the first stabbing pain just around my appendix area. I know it's my typical time for my "period". I take a deep breath. I sit and look at the work I need to do. I read something three times—a wave of pain. Deep breathe. Just do this one thing and this other thing, and then I can rest for a short while. I have deadlines. Lots of work, so much it can feel overwhelming. There is no time for rest and I can hear the demon chatter in my head "Don't be lazy" "Get it done" "If you'd been more organised" - those little voices deposited by others over the years that echo around my head, telling me I am not enough, however hard I work, it's not enough. I take a deep breath, another stab in the abdomen. I'm refusing to take painkillers, it's not that bad, not as bad as it used to be, I can manage this. I try to type, I bend forward sharply as another wave comes. I take a deep breath, I keep typing. Do one more thing, just this one thing then I can pause, then I can stop, as though only if I work through this next task and the next task am I worthy of resting my tired mind, body and soul. Another wave of pain. I pause. I take a deep breath. It's hard to focus now, I can feel the brain fog creeping in. I need to be able to focus, this work is complex, and I don't need this now. Another wave of pain. I pause. I take a deep breath. I put on my glasses, as the words become blurry on the screen. When I am tired, when I am in pain I need my glasses. When I'm energised I don't need them. Ok, I won't do that task, I'll do that tomorrow. Yes, I know it's Saturday but it needs to be done. Just an hour tomorrow, and it's another thing off my list. I feel the stab, I pause, and I take a deep breath. I will need painkillers soon, but a few minutes more, just get through this. Those voices chatter "Don't be weak", "Man up", "Stop making a fuss" Push through the chatter, focus, breathe. 1 more task, 1 more thing, then I can rest. Endometriosis is classed within the top 20 most painful medical conditions. Living with it means you end up not realising when you are in pain. Sometimes I think I am just cold, but then I sit with the feeling and recognise I am in pain.
- Rediscovering Joy: Navigating Fun in Challenging Times
Life is a bit overwhelming at the moment and it often feels like we've forgotten how to have fun. The weight of responsibilities, coupled with the challenges brought about by the pandemic, the looming cost of living crisis, unpredictable weather, and global conflicts, has left many of us feeling overwhelmed and drained. But amidst these challenges, it's essential to remember the importance of embracing joy and finding ways to inject fun into our lives, even when the world around us seems bleak. The impact of the pandemic cannot be understated when it comes to our ability to have fun. Lockdowns, social distancing measures, and restrictions on gatherings have drastically altered our social lives and changed our view on leisure and recreation. Many of the activities that once brought us joy – from dining out with friends to attending live events – might now make you feel more cautious even though restrictions are no longer in place. Then we went straight into the cost of living crisis which has added another layer of stress and uncertainty to our lives. Rising prices, stagnant wages, and economic instability have left many of us feeling financially strapped, making it difficult to justify spending money on leisure activities or indulging in simple pleasures. The unpredictable weather patterns, also play a role in dampening our spirits. Grey skies, relentless rain, and bitter cold can make it challenging to muster enthusiasm for outdoor activities or social gatherings, further contributing to a sense of malaise and boredom. And then there is the pervasive sense of guilt that accompanies the enjoyment of leisure activities amid global conflicts and humanitarian crises which can weigh heavily on our minds. How can we justify having fun when others are suffering? This sense of guilt can rob us of the ability to fully embrace joy and find pleasure in the small moments of life. But despite these challenges, it's essential to remember that fun is not a luxury reserved for better times – it's a fundamental aspect of human well-being that can help us cope with adversity and find meaning in difficult circumstances. So how can we inject more fun into our lives, even in the face of adversity? Here are five steps to get started: 1. Embrace simplicity: Fun doesn't have to be expensive or elaborate. Look for the joy in the simple pleasures of life – a walk in nature, a homemade meal with loved ones, or a cosy night in with a good book or movie. 2. Get creative: Use your imagination to find new ways to have fun without breaking the bank. Try out DIY projects, explore local parks and green spaces, or organise a game night with friends using items you already have at home. 3. Prioritize self-care: Make time for activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit. Whether it's practising yoga, meditation, or indulging in a hobby you love, prioritising self-care is essential for maintaining a sense of well-being and finding joy in everyday life. 4. Connect with others: Cultivate meaningful connections with friends, family, and community members. Plan outdoor picnics, or group activities that allow you to socialise and have fun together, something may of us have forgotten how to do. 5. Let go of guilt: Remember that it's okay to prioritise your own happiness and well-being, even in difficult times. While it's important to remain aware of the suffering of others and do what we can to support those in need, allowing ourselves to experience joy and fun is not selfish – it's essential for resilience and mental health. Finding ways to have fun in challenging times may require creativity, resilience, and a willingness to embrace simplicity. By prioritising self-care, connecting with others, and letting go of guilt, we can inject more joy and meaning into our lives, even amidst uncertainty and adversity. So don't be afraid to embrace the power of fun – it's a vital antidote to the challenges of the modern world.
- The Art of Switching Off: Nurturing Mind, Body, and Spirit
In a world that never seems to slow down, the concept of switching off may feel like a luxury reserved for the privileged few. We're constantly bombarded with notifications, deadlines, and obligations, leaving little time for rest and rejuvenation. But what if I told you that disconnecting from the world, even if only for a short while, could be one of the most beneficial things you can do for your mind, body, and spirit? In today's fast-paced society, the pressure to constantly be connected can take a toll on our mental well-being. We're expected to be reachable at all times, whether it's through emails, social media, or instant messaging. The result? A never-ending stream of information that can leave us feeling overwhelmed, anxious, and mentally drained. But when we switch off from the noise of the outside world, we give ourselves the gift of silence. We create space for our minds to rest and recharge, free from the distractions that often consume our attention. This downtime allows us to gain clarity, perspective, and a deeper understanding of ourselves and our surroundings. Moreover, disconnecting from technology can have profound benefits for our physical health. Constant exposure to screens has been linked to a host of health issues, including eye strain, headaches, and disrupted sleep patterns. By unplugging from our devices, we give our eyes a much-needed break and allow our bodies to reset and recuperate. But perhaps the most significant benefit of switching off is the impact it has on our spiritual well-being. In a world that prioritises productivity and material success, it's easy to lose sight of the things that truly matter. When we disconnect from the distractions of everyday life, we create space to connect with ourselves and our loved ones on a deeper level. Whether it's through meditation, mindfulness, or simply spending time in nature, switching off allows us to tap into our innermost thoughts, feelings, and desires. It provides an opportunity for introspection and self-discovery, helping us to cultivate a sense of peace, contentment, and spiritual fulfilment. So how can we incorporate more moments of disconnection into our busy lives? It doesn't have to be a dramatic change – even small changes can make a world of difference. Start by setting boundaries around your technology use, whether it's designating certain times of the day as screen-free or committing to a digital detox once a week. Find activities that bring you joy and allow you to be fully present at that moment, whether it's reading a book, going for a walk, or practising yoga. Find ways to connect with people you love face to face and get that personal connection that even us introverts crave in one-to-one situations. Switching off from the world may seem counterintuitive in a society that glorifies busyness and productivity. But in reality, it's one of the best things we can do for our overall well-being. By disconnecting from the noise of the outside world, we give ourselves the space to rest, recharge, and reconnect with what truly matters. So the next time you feel overwhelmed by the demands of modern life, remember that sometimes the best thing you can do is simply switch off and tune in to the peace and tranquillity within.
- Navigating the Change Curve: Embracing Growth and Gaining Energy Through Change
Change is a constant in life, yet it's often met with resistance and apprehension. We find ourselves grappling with uncertainty, fear, and discomfort as we navigate the unknown terrain of change. But what if I told you that embracing change is not only essential for growth but also a powerful source of energy and vitality? The change curve is a model that illustrates the psychological stages we go through when faced with change: from denial and resistance to exploration, adaptation, and ultimately, acceptance. Understanding this curve can help us make sense of our reactions to change and navigate the process more effectively. At the onset of change, we may find ourselves in a state of denial, clinging to familiarity and resisting the inevitable. We may feel overwhelmed by fear of the unknown and uncertainty about what lies ahead. But as we gradually move through the stages of the change curve, we begin to embrace the possibilities that change brings. Exploration becomes our next step, as we venture into uncharted territory and open ourselves up to new experiences and opportunities. We may feel a surge of energy and excitement as we discover new paths and possibilities, fuelling our motivation to grow and evolve. Adaptation follows, as we learn to adjust to our changing circumstances and find ways to thrive in the face of adversity. We may encounter challenges along the way, but with resilience and determination, we find innovative solutions and overcome obstacles with ease. Finally, acceptance sets in, as we come to terms with the reality of change and embrace it as a natural part of life. We may find peace and contentment in our newfound sense of clarity and purpose, knowing that change is not something to be feared but embraced as an opportunity for growth and transformation. But how can we harness the energy and vitality that comes from embracing change? Here are a few tips to get started: 1. Cultivate a growth mindset: Approach change with an open mind and a willingness to learn and adapt. See challenges as opportunities for growth and view setbacks as valuable learning experiences. 2. Practice resilience: Build resilience by developing coping strategies and support networks that help you navigate change with grace and confidence. Lean on friends, family, and mentors for guidance and encouragement during challenging times. 3. Stay flexible: Be willing to let go of old habits, beliefs, and ways of thinking that no longer serve you. Stay flexible and adaptable in the face of change, and be open to new possibilities and perspectives. 4. Focus on self-care: Prioritise self-care and well-being during times of change, taking time to rest, recharge, and nurture your mind, body, and spirit. Engage in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment, and make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. 5. Embrace uncertainty: Embrace the uncertainty of change as an opportunity for growth and exploration. Lean into the discomfort of the unknown, knowing that it's a necessary step on the path to greater understanding and self-discovery. Embracing change is essential for growth and vitality in life. By navigating the change curve with resilience, flexibility, and a growth mindset, we can harness the energy and excitement that comes from embracing new possibilities and opportunities. So the next time you find yourself facing change, remember to embrace it with open arms – for it is through change that we grow, thrive, and find true fulfilment in life.
- Guarding Your Energy: The Power of Setting Boundaries
The current demands of work, relationships, and everyday life can feel incessant, it's easy to find ourselves spread thin, with our energy reserves depleted and our well-being compromised. This is where the importance of setting boundaries comes into play – a vital practice often overlooked in our quest to please others and meet societal expectations. Boundaries are not barriers to keep people out; rather, they are guidelines that define what is acceptable and what is not in our lives. They serve as a protective shield, safeguarding our time, energy, and emotional well-being from being drained by external pressures and obligations. But why are boundaries so crucial for preserving our energy levels? Firstly, they help us establish a sense of control over our lives. By clearly defining our limits and communicating them to others, we reclaim our autonomy and agency, preventing others from encroaching on our time and resources without our consent. Setting boundaries allows us to prioritise self-care and well-being. In a culture that glorifies busyness and productivity, it's all too easy to neglect our own needs in favour of meeting the demands of others. But by setting boundaries around our time and energy, we create space for rest, relaxation, and rejuvenation – essential components of maintaining a healthy and balanced lifestyle. Boundaries are crucial for maintaining healthy relationships. By communicating our needs and expectations clearly and assertively, we foster mutual respect and understanding with those around us. Healthy boundaries prevent resentment and conflict from building up, ensuring that our relationships remain strong and fulfilling. So how can we begin to set boundaries in our lives? It starts with self-awareness and introspection. Take the time to reflect on your own needs, values, and priorities, and identify areas where boundaries may be lacking. From there, communicate your boundaries openly and assertively, being firm yet respectful in your interactions with others. It's also important to recognise that setting boundaries is an ongoing process – one that requires practice, patience, and self-compassion. Be prepared to enforce your boundaries consistently, even in the face of resistance or pushback from others. Remember that prioritising your own well-being is not selfish but essential for living a fulfilling and balanced life. Remember, setting boundaries is a powerful act of self-care and self-preservation. By clearly defining our limits and asserting our needs, we protect our energy levels, maintain healthy relationships, and cultivate a greater sense of peace and fulfilment in our lives. So the next time you find yourself feeling overwhelmed or drained, remember the power of boundaries – and don't be afraid to wield it.
- Decluttering Your Life: Embracing Simplicity and Serenity
I like stuff, I like clothes, I adore books, Dr Martens and art and my house is full of it. But I recognise the importance of decluttering, you don't have to be a minimalist to declutter, and it's not just about stuff there are many aspects of life where we need to declutter. The world feels filled with constant noise, distractions, and obligations, it's all too easy to accumulate clutter in all aspects of our lives – both physical and mental. Whether it's the physical clutter that accumulates in our homes, the mental clutter that weighs on our minds, or the emotional clutter that burdens our hearts, the impact of clutter can be profound, draining our energy and stifling our sense of peace and well-being. But what if I told you that letting go of clutter – in all its forms – is the key to unlocking a life of simplicity, serenity, and fulfilment? By decluttering our lives, we create space for what truly matters, allowing us to focus on the things that bring us joy and meaning and that can be truly empowering. Physical clutter is perhaps the most visible manifestation of the chaos that can accumulate in our lives. From overflowing closets and cluttered countertops to drawers filled with forgotten belongings, the excess stuff that surrounds us can weigh heavily on our minds and spirits. But by letting go of unnecessary possessions and simplifying our living spaces, we create a sense of order and tranquillity that can have a profound impact on our overall well-being. You can love stuff, but make sure it truly deserves a place in your life. Decluttering isn't just about tidying up our physical spaces – it's also about decluttering our minds and hearts. Mental clutter, in the form of negative thoughts, worries, and anxieties, can be just as burdensome as physical clutter, if not more so. By practising mindfulness and cultivating a sense of awareness, we can identify and release the thoughts and emotions that no longer serve us, freeing ourselves from the mental clutter that holds us back. Similarly, emotional clutter – in the form of unresolved conflicts, toxic relationships, and unprocessed emotions – can weigh heavily on our hearts and souls. By letting go of resentments, forgiving past hurts, and setting boundaries in our relationships, we create space for healing and growth, allowing us to cultivate deeper connections and greater emotional well-being. So how can we begin the process of decluttering our lives? Here are five steps to get started: 1. Start small: Begin by tackling one area of your life at a time, whether it's decluttering a single room in your home, clearing your mind through meditation, or addressing a specific issue in your relationships. Breaking the process down into manageable tasks can make it feel less overwhelming and more achievable. 2. Be ruthless: When decluttering, be ruthless in letting go of possessions, thoughts, and relationships that no longer serve you. Ask yourself whether each item or thought brings you joy or adds value to your life – if not, it may be time to say goodbye. 3. Set boundaries: Learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities or values, whether it's taking on extra work, overcommitting to social engagements, or allowing toxic people into your life. Setting boundaries is essential for protecting your time, energy, and well-being. 4. Practice gratitude: Cultivate a practice of real gratitude to help shift your focus from what you lack to what you have. Take time each day to reflect on the things you're really grateful for, whether it's the people in your life, the experiences you've had, or the simple pleasures of everyday life. 5. Embrace simplicity: Finally, embrace the beauty of simplicity in all aspects of your life. Surround yourself with only the things that bring you joy and meaning, prioritise experiences over possessions, and seek out moments of stillness and quiet amid life's chaos. Decluttering your life is a powerful act of self-care and self-preservation. By letting go of physical, mental, and emotional clutter, we create space for what truly matters, allowing us to live more intentionally, authentically, and joyfully. So take the first step on your decluttering journey today – and watch as simplicity, serenity, and empowerment fill the spaces you create.
- Title: Escaping the Compliance Zone: Embracing True Comfort and Growth
In a world where the call to step out of our comfort zones echoes ceaselessly, it's crucial to recognise that what we're often stepping out of isn't truly a comfort zone at all, but rather a compliance zone. The compliance zone is where we reside out of obligation, where we feel the weight of societal expectations, and where our actions are dictated by the fear of judgment or failure. It's a place where we may feel stuck, tense, and anxious, rather than warm and at ease. The idea of breaking free from this compliance zone can be daunting. We're conditioned to believe that success lies in conformity, playing by the rules and meeting external achievement standards. But deep down, we know that true comfort, fulfilment, and growth lie beyond the confines of this restrictive space. So why do we find ourselves clinging to the compliance zone, despite the discomfort it brings? The answer lies in our innate desire for security and stability. We fear the unknown and the uncertainty of stepping into uncharted territory. But in doing so, we sacrifice our happiness and potential for the sake of maintaining the status quo. But here's the thing: true growth and fulfilment can only be found when we break free from the chains of compliance and step into a genuine comfort zone. A comfort zone where we feel safe, supported, and free to be ourselves. A comfort zone where we can thrive, grow, and yes, have fun. So how do we transition from the compliance zone to a true comfort zone? It starts with a shift in mindset. Instead of viewing success through the lens of external validation, we must define it on our terms. We must challenge the beliefs and expectations that keep us trapped in the compliance zone and dare to dream beyond the confines of societal norms. Next, we must actively seek out experiences that bring us joy and fulfilment. Whether it's pursuing a passion project, taking up a new hobby, or simply spending time with loved ones, it's essential to prioritise our happiness and well-being. But perhaps most importantly, we must learn to trust ourselves and our abilities. We must embrace the discomfort that comes with stopping being people-pleasers, from stopping being compliant with societal expectations, to being seen as our true selves. Stepping into the unknown and having faith that we have what it takes to navigate the challenges that lie ahead are essential to making this life leap. Escaping the compliance zone and embracing true comfort and growth is no easy feat, but it is essential for living a fulfilling and meaningful life. By challenging limiting beliefs, prioritising our happiness, and trusting in ourselves, we can create a comfort zone where we feel truly at home. So dare to break free from conformity, embrace the unknown, and watch as your world transforms into one of endless possibility and joy.
- Why is journalling to prompts so useful?
Journalling to prompts can be a powerful tool for personal development, providing a structured and intentional approach to self-reflection. Here are 10 reasons why journalling to prompts can be beneficial for personal growth: Focused Reflection: Prompts guide your thoughts towards specific topics or areas of your life, allowing for more focused and targeted reflection. This can help you gain deeper insights into your emotions, thoughts, and behaviours. Goal Clarification: Journalling prompts often encourage you to explore your goals, aspirations, and values. This process can lead to greater clarity about what you want to achieve in different aspects of your life. Self-Discovery: Writing in response to prompts can uncover aspects of yourself that you may not have consciously recognised. It's a journey of self-discovery, helping you understand your beliefs, fears, strengths, and weaknesses. Emotional Processing: Journalling provides a safe space to express and process your emotions. Writing about your feelings can help you make sense of them, reduce emotional distress, and develop healthier coping mechanisms. Problem Solving: Prompts often encourage you to analyse challenges and obstacles in your life. Writing about these issues can lead to creative problem-solving and the development of action plans to address them. Gratitude Practice: Many journalling prompts focus on gratitude, encouraging you to reflect on positive aspects of your life. This practice can shift your mindset, fostering a more positive outlook and enhancing overall well-being. Track Personal Growth: Journalling to prompts over time allows you to track your personal development journey. You can see how your perspectives, attitudes, and behaviours evolve, providing a tangible record of your growth. Stress Reduction: Writing or typing can be therapeutic, helping to release pent-up emotions and reduce stress. Journalling prompts guide you to explore stressors and develop strategies for managing them effectively. Enhanced Self-Awareness: Responding to prompts allows you to delve deeper into your thoughts and feelings, increasing self-awareness. This awareness is crucial for making intentional choices and understanding the impact of your actions on your well-being. Daily Reflection Habit: Using prompts creates a structured routine for self-reflection. Establishing a daily journalling habit helps you stay connected with your goals, values, and emotions, fostering a continuous commitment to personal development. If you find journalling a difficult task, then why not start easily? Either sign up to my email list for daily inspiration which you can use to inspire you or join my Magical Mojo Academy (see page for latest launch date) where I host an online journalling community on Facebook.
- Ten natural ways to boost your energy?
1. Getting out into natural daylight is helpful to everyone regardless of their personality to help regulate your circadian rhythms, whether you are a lark, a night owl or a tired pigeon. So, get outside for five minutes in the morning. 2. Exercise – this is a topic where I may go against general advice. Many books will tell you that exercise is the best way to naturally boost your energy, however this is very personal and many people, whether they have underlying health conditions or not, suffer with post exertion fatigue and this can be debilitating and exhausting. It sets you on a negative cycle as there feels no way to get out of the cycle of fatigue. So, although exercise is a great natural energy boost you need to find a form of exercise that suits you. For example: If you are an introvert you may prefer to exercise on your own whereas an extrovert may prefer being in a class. Someone who is more organised may prefer a structured class and someone who is more spontaneous may prefer to do something different and not rigid. If you get energised by exercise look at your personality preferences to determine which type of exercise you might prefer. Ask yourself these questions? · Do I prefer to exercise alone or with others? · Do I prefer a routine for my exercise or go with the flow? · Do I need a fixed date in the diary to ensure I go, or would I prefer to make up my mind on the day? · Do I want my exercise to be quiet or loud? · Do I want someone making me do the exercise to motivate me, or do I prefer a gentler approach? This can help you to find the right exercise for you. It’s ok to try something and say, that’s not for me and look at something else. When you suffer with post exertion fatigue it’s about finding ways to move more rather than exercise, this can include: · Setting up the movement alarm on your Fitbit to get you to do 250 steps every hour. · It could be doing chair yoga · It could be having a five-minute dance in your chair or standing as you make a cup of tea. · It could be doing one lap around the house, flat, garden. · It could be drawing a hopscotch in chalk on your pathway to do every time you go along it. · Make it fun. 3. Daydream – daydreaming is a form of mindfulness or meditation. Daydreaming is shown to help reduce stress and relax the mind. When was the last time you did some daydreaming? We are taught at school and in the workplace that it’s not acceptable, but this is where ideas come from. Set a timer, sit, and focus on a tree or another point in nature and let your mind wander. For some this will be scary, but with practise it can be quite freeing. Any negative thoughts let them go by imagining them on a cloud floating away. 4. Look for magic and wonder – We are surrounded by magic and wonder, and we can lose this as we become adults, thinking this is only for children. Look for three pieces of magic and wonder each day to inspire you (more is fine), be inspired by nature, notice the change in the seasons, look for rainbows, the changing of the colour of the leaves. Notice the shape of clouds, the cycles of the moon, get a star gazing app to identify the stars and planets in the night sky. Go foraging for fairy finds such as conkers, coloured leaves, sea glass, shells, stones, feathers, regain the joy of our childhood. Or look for magic and wonder made by humans, go to an art gallery, or create your own art, count Christmas trees on every walk or drive as the holiday season commences or outside of the Christmas season count red doors, garden gnomes, cute cats, dogs, or cows in fields. Anything that makes you smile. 5. Laugh – watch funny tv shows or get together with someone you know who you can laugh with. Laugh at the antics of a pet or cat videos on the internet. Have an emergency funny movie which you go to when you need an energy boost. 6. Herbal tea – drink a fresh mint tea or use peppermint teabags as a refreshing tonic. Or a slice of lemon and honey in hot water. Another favourite of mine is lemon and ginger tea either using teabags or a slice of ginger & lemon in hot water. 7. Essential oils – put a couple of drops of orange essential oil on a tissue to smell during the day. (Do not apply undiluted oils directly to the skin). 8. Emergency snack – have your favourite emergency snack in your bag, it could be a small tin of almonds, some dried fruit. (Mine is Babybels though they aren’t so good in warm weather, and I have to remember to add them and remove them at the start and end of the day). 9. Breathe Deeply - Practising deep breathing exercises can help oxygenate your body and increase alertness. Try inhaling deeply through your nose and exhaling slowly through your mouth. 10. Listen to Upbeat Music - Music can have a powerful effect on your mood and energy levels. Listening to lively, upbeat music can help elevate your energy and motivation.
- What ways can you feel less depleted?
What energises one person will drain another so again it’s about getting to know yourself, which many people think they do until they stop and have a chance to really peel back those masks, they wear to perform the tasks of life. Find below 10 things you can do to prevent feeling drained so often: · It's a good idea to consult with a healthcare professional to rule out any underlying medical issues. Vitamin D, B12, and iron deficiencies can all cause you to feel tired and fatigued. If you are in your late 30’s to mid 50’s, perimenopause and then menopause can be really draining, and younger than this for those who menstruate, just our general menstrual cycles can drain us too. Always check there are no underlying health conditions first and don’t be afraid to ask and push for help and support. · Keep a diary – monitor if there is a reoccurring pattern to your fatigue. Are you tired at a particular stage of your menstrual cycle? If you don’t have a menstrual cycle, can you still see a reoccurring pattern. Make notes on the weather, the environment, where you were, and who you were with and what you are doing, so you can understand what drains you. · Identify your personality type – knowing your own preferences will help you to set boundaries and remind you of what energises you and what you find more challenging and drains you. Just finding out if you are an introvert or extrovert, I have found to be life changing for many women I coach, this has helped them to change their approach to life and set those important boundaries around their health. · Do a simple energy audit of your life - for example list your daily tasks and say which energises you and which drain you. For, anything you find more draining is there a way to delegate this to someone else, automate it or stop doing it. If it’s not possible then can you reduce time doing this. You can do this for places you visit, the tasks in your job or even people. · Sleep – sleep is unique to you. And you need to find a way to get quality sleep. Throw out the rule book and find your unique sleep approach. It maybe you prefer to go to sleep at midnight and wake at 8am. Or you may prefer to go to bed early and wake at 5am. Find your natural rhythm. If you are in a relationship, do you prefer to sleep on your own or together? There is a societal expectation in the UK for those in relationships to sleep in the same bed, but if it doesn’t work for you, and you have the space, could you have 2 single beds in the same room or have two separate bedrooms. My husband and I sleep separately and the amount of people who say, “I wish I could do that” and when I ask why they can’t, they often have never considered it, as they feel they should. (I’ve known women in a 3–5-bedroom house where the children have left home, still sleeping with a snoring husband. And they worry about offending the husband rather than having a good night’s sleep). · Stop people pleasing & pace your life for you. Understanding your personality can help you with setting boundaries, to stop people pleasing, but they can also help you to learn how to pace your life for you. We operate at 100 miles an hour and often it’s to please others. It’s OK to say no because you have scheduled rest into your life to suit you. It’s OK to create a life at your own pace, not dictated by others. · Express real gratitude. There is a lot of guilt gratitude and toxic positivity out there. Gratitude needs to be felt deeply, not just a chore that we do each day because “we should”. It’s ok to be dissatisfied with parts of your life, as long as you aren’t dwelling on it and are looking for solutions. · Worrying about life can be depleting – set up a worry box in your mind. Every time a worry comes into your mind. Consciously say to yourself I will focus on this worry at the dedicated time. Put the thought in your worry box and then dedicate a fixed time each day e.g. 6pm and a fixed amount of time to dwell on your worries e.g. 10 minutes. Use a timer and allow time for your mind to process the worries. · Take your lunch break – stop and eat. If you are an introvert eat on your own, go and sit in your car in the carpark, find a quiet corner but get away from your work area. If you are an extrovert, arrange to meet up with a fellow likeminded extrovert. Switch off your phones and focus on the task of eating - notice the taste, the smell and texture of your food and be in the moment. · Set work boundaries – switch off your work phone, don’t take your laptop home or have a box by the door where work stuff is placed , so you can put on the lid and switch off. Have a ritual at the end of the day such as taking a shower, changing your clothes, going for a walk, sitting with a cup of tea. This will become a trigger for your mind, body and spirt that the workday is over. · Of course there is the usual things; o Reduce the amount of news you consume o Reduce time on social media o Stay hydrated o Eat well o Get quality sleep and if you don’t, get help. o Set realistic goals. o Journal
- What sort of personality types are more resistant to energy drains and how can you become more like them?
What sort of personality types are more resistant to energy drains, and can you become more like them? There is not own personality type that is more resistant to energy drains than another, it’s all down to the circumstances they find themselves in. Understanding your own personality is a crucial first step in becoming more resistant to energy drains. Every person, with their unique personality traits, will respond differently in various situations. The key is to recognise your innate preferences and strengths. Once you have a grasp of your own nature, it becomes easier to understand how external factors can influence your energy levels, distinguishing between what rejuvenates you and what depletes your energy. In different circumstances, it's important to establish boundaries that align with your personality and individual needs. While certain personality types aren't inherently more resistant to energy drains, specific traits and habits are associated with greater resilience. Optimism, for instance, is a quality that allows individuals to view challenges as opportunities for growth, ultimately helping them overcome energy-draining situations by fostering a positive outlook. Cultivating a positive mindset is about focusing on solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This positive outlook can prevent unnecessary energy drains that may result from excessive worrying about things beyond our control. An introvert or an extrovert can be optimistic or pessimistic depending on the circumstances. Resilience is another trait that plays a significant role in resisting energy drains. It enables people to bounce back from setbacks and effectively manage stress, allowing them to recover quickly from energy-draining experiences. Self-awareness is equally crucial, as it helps you recognise when you're feeling drained, making it easier to address and manage these energy drains and to know how to set appropriate boundaries in both personal and professional life. This again can prevent overextension and reduce the likelihood of experiencing energy drains. Learning to say no when necessary is a valuable skill in this regard. It's crucial to understand that personality types can vary widely, and not all individuals within a particular type will exhibit the same level of resistance to energy drains. Moreover, personality traits can evolve and develop over time. Therefore, anyone can work on cultivating these habits and traits to become more resistant to energy drains, regardless of their personality type. It often requires self-awareness, practice, and a willingness to make positive changes in one's life. But it starts with knowing who you are first and where your strengths and opportunities for growth are, and personality types can help you identify this, thus helping you to set boundaries appropriate for you. Remember no one personality type is better than another, they are just different.
- Why is modern life so draining?
Why is modern life so draining for many? Modern life can often feel like an unending treadmill of exhaustion. Current generations might feel drained and overwhelmed, as the demands we face today vary greatly to those of previous generations. The modern world has many benefits such as improved healthcare and housing, but in the past, there were much clearer boundaries when it came to rest and relaxation. These are less defined, leaving us drained and overwhelmed. Shops closed on Sundays, and high streets would observe half-day closures. Factories often closed for weekends, allowing workers more time to recuperate between shifts. Office workers, too, enjoyed a clear division between work and personal time. Once the clock struck 5 pm, work was left behind, and there were no mobile phones or personal computers to intrude on evenings and weekends. The need for 24-hour service sees more and more people working unsociable hours, shift work and the enforced rest we used to have is no longer part of our societal norms. Technological advancements, particularly the proliferation of smartphones and constant connectivity, have blurred the line between work and personal life which has become increasingly indistinct. Employees are now expected to be reachable at all hours, and failure to respond promptly is sometimes misconstrued as a lack of dedication. Setting boundaries to protect personal time is often seen as a lack of ambition or commitment to the company. For example, a working mother in her 30s might be expected to travel extensively for work, often with similar expectations placed on her husband. Pushing back against these demands can be met with pressure and suggestions that it may hinder career progression. Additionally, there is an overwhelming societal pressure to fill every moment with activities and productivity. Parents, especially, feel compelled to provide a constant stream of enriching experiences for their children, further straining their time and energy. This pressure extends to the educational sphere, where young children are faced with rigorous academic expectations and extracurricular activities that leave them feeling fatigued. The constant barrage of messages from society, social media, and governments reinforces the notion that being productive is the only acceptable way to contribute to modern society. Phrases like "I'll sleep when I'm dead," "hustle culture," and "no days off" are celebrated, suggesting that sacrificing rest and sleep is a virtue. Women, in particular, bear the brunt of these demands. We are expected to excel in both our careers and as care givers (as mothers, or carers) but focusing too much on either role is often criticised. Self-care, crucial for combating exhaustion, is sometimes perceived as selfish. And what is often spouted as acceptable self-care is superficial and rarely provides the relief needed. What’s more, women often juggle full-time jobs, caregiving responsibilities, and the weight of domestic duties. We also face the persistent struggle against pay disparities and unequal career opportunities. And experiencing harassment and constantly being on guard only adds to our fatigue. On top of this, we must navigate the challenges of menstruation, perimenopause, and breaking free from generational conditioning. And this is without even considering the information and decision overload we experience which can be overwhelming. Financial stress, and the constant never ending cycle of change such as the pandemic, economic pressures, all of which are outside of the sphere of influence of the everyday person, but greatly impacts our wellbeing, is also something that can chip away at our energy levels, however resilient we are. Add into this a lack of physical activity as jobs become more sedentary, poor sleep quality, and the impact of noise and pollution which can impact our mind, body and spirit in different ways. It’s no wonder we are a depleted society. But we need to consider that the impact of modern life on each individual's personality and wellbeing is unique. What drains one person may energise another. Unfortunately, schools and workplaces often adopt a one-size-fits-all approach, forcing individuals to conform to an unrealistic standard of ‘normal’. And we’re urged to continuously operate outside our comfort zones, when the clue is in the name; when we are comfortable, we are well rested, and we are energised. Operating in a challenging environment for long periods of time is depleting. A tree doesn’t thrive and produce in conditions that are challenging, and the longer a tree is in those conditions the more depleted it becomes until the damage is irreversible. The same applies to humans, we can cope with only a certain amount of challenge and discomfort before we become burnt-out and depleted. Thankfully, some cultures still value the importance of rest. In parts of the Outer Hebrides, Sundays are dedicated to rest, with even the act of hanging out laundry considered inappropriate. Many European countries prioritise lunch breaks, closing shops and offices to allow for a proper meal break. Taking extended holidays is seen as essential in many parts of the world, but in the UK and the USA, it is often viewed as excessive. In a world that never stops, it's crucial to recognise the exhausting realities of modern life and take steps to prioritise self-care, set boundaries, and challenge societal expectations. Only then can we hope to find balance and relief in this draining modern existence.