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  • Writer's pictureHaulwen Nicholas

Should I stay or Should I go? - the money traP

Money what does it mean to you?

What words do you associate with money?

Our psychology around money is often one of the biggest issues in our lives. Many of us have limiting beliefs around money and feel like we have "golden hand-cuffs" keeping us trapped in a job, in a situation we don't like or what we "should do".

I remember so many occasions when I wanted to quit a job but didn't because of money.

Perhaps you feel the same? One time when I was taking a wage drop and losing a company car to do something I thought was my dream job, my husband did say "Are you really going to stay for a car rather than follow your dreams?"

I tried the "dream" job, it didn't work out, but it did open up a million more opportunities.

What did I do when the "dream" job didn't work out, I went and got a job doing something similar to what I did before, because that's the worse case scenario.

Even now I am self-employed I know that the worse case scenario is I have to go back into employment doing what I did before. I get approached on a regular basis to do that and I see lots of adverts and I know there are lots of jobs. I also know I wouldn't hate going back to do that sort of job and probably for 1- 2 years I'd enjoy the challenge before I end up back at the frustrated part. But that's my worse case scenario, and that means I can pay the bills.

What's the worse case scenario if you make a sudden leap?

So going back to money - being self-employed has allowed me to really delve into my appalling relationship with money. This has been the biggest revelation and the biggest limiting belief area for me to fix.

When we look back at the language used around you as a child about money, what did money mean?

Was it the off hand comments "money doesn't grow on trees" "Rich people are evil and greedy" "we can't afford" "oh that's expensive" "how much?" "why do you need that much money"

I have a money target for my overall businesses, its a generous target, the reason being I've learnt the more money I have, the more I can help other people. I've always dreamt of setting up my own charity, I've always dreamed of being able to help people in their time of need. And in the past it was drilled into me, from the people around me, that having money was a bad and evil thing.

Only the other day some relatives saw my money target and they said "you don't need that much money" - and now I can laugh and brush off a comment whereas in the past I would have felt guilty for wanting to earn a good income.

Is my target in the millions, no, not even half millions, it's enough to buy a home, and ensure I have enough savings and to build up a good pension pot so I can care for my husband and my parents with private care facilities in old age and set up care provision for myself, my husband is 12 years older than me and I have no children, so I need to ensure I have the money to have good quality carers for me when I'm the mad old cat lady. And also, to set up my charitable trust.

This language, this negative language around money shapes us and we have to find a way to break this negative chain.

We have to fall back in love with money and not fear it.

All the negativity around money had the opposite impact on me, instead of saving I spent.

How many of us use "retail therapy" to get us through the stresses in life?

How often do you "deserve" it?

That was completely me, spending on clothes and shoes was my stress survival technique. A genuine addiction giving me the same buzz as drugs, alcohol and all those other addictive habits and substances. Spending addiction is just like a gambling addiction and can be as destructive. I amassed 10's of thousands of £'s of debt, and however much I earned in my big salary jobs it was never enough. Because the higher up the ranks I went, the more stressed I got and the more I shopped.

Is this a familiar story for you? Did you like me feel shame, anger, hide from it?

The irony of course is the more I shopped, the more I felt trapped by my jobs and the more I felt those "golden hand-cuffs".

When I quit my job one thing I discovered was how little money I needed? I thought my bonus would last 6 months it lasted almost 12. Now those fancy shoes and dressed I'm selling on eBay and giving me financial freedom.

I still have debts, but I'm now in control. I earn less money but I value every penny. I no longer feel guilt around money, but I respect it, I love it and I know that my relationship has changed. My husband and I now talk about money, rather than avoiding it.

When I first went into self-employment I felt guilt for charging for my services, now I know I give lots of value. But it's taken a lot of self reflection to recognise my worth, I still have months when I think"how will I pay the bills" yet each month I give my self a talking to, I do some mindfulness and get back into good habits around checking my money daily, treating it like a plant that needs attention and nurturing and each time my mindset changes, money comes to me with ease and each time I get a "twang" of guilt for wanting money so I can put food on the table I again give myself a talking to, I am worth it, I deserve to be able to pay my bills, I deserve to be able to eat and I deserve to be able to build up some savings either now or in the near future.

Just like with all emotions what we give out comes back to us. So if we focus on lack of money, then we will have lack of money, focus on abundance not only of money, but abundance of love, abundance of laughter, abundance of cuddles, abundance of everything and then your life will be full of abundance. Is it easy to change your mindset? It will take time, it's taken me about 12-months, it may take you 12-weeks, we are all different. Start the process now.

So, if you are wondering if you should stay or go in your current role, work on your money mindset first, get your money head in the right place so you expect a life of abundance, then make your leap and you will fly high.

I love Money a love Story by Kate Northrup as a great starting point.

Good luck


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