My last blog was 2.5 weeks ago. I sang out about shining bright. I felt amazing - so strong and full of life.
I posted the blog whilst I was on holiday on the Lleyn Peninsula in Wales, my spiritual home. Then that night I woke with dizziness and nausea.
Over 2 weeks later the nausea is less, I'm eating (though not like before) and I still have dizziness with certain manoeuvres. (getting out of bed and into bed, looking up and looking down, sudden movements, etc.).
My neck is locked and my back and shoulders sore, the body aches form lack of exercise and I'm sleeping for 14 hours a night.
Something obviously needs addressing.
The one thing I've had is lots of time to think. As most physical activity, watching tv, reading and generally doing anything other than look out the window has made me nauseous and/or dizzy I decided I needed to focus on my unconscious mind.
What is it telling me?
What do I need to learn from this incident?
What do I need to wake up to?
I received some great tips in the Psychologies Life Leap Group which have helped me to think beyond the physical and look at my emotional and psychological needs.
This is my body slowing me down and it tried last year with a sprained ankle and is now doing it in a way which means I have to slow or be dizzy.
I became self-employed to gain more of a work life balance, but its engrained in me to "work hard" to achieve anything.
Before this illness I'd already decided that for me to shine bright I needed to change my routine.
I'd planned to spend mornings focused on me, self care, learning etc and afternoons on my business. (this is my preferred way of working as I'm more of an evening person).
However, watching a BBC horizon programme I realise I can potentially change this so I'll try out what works best.
I need to spend more time outdoors and in nature and being bed bound for 4 days showed me I go "stir-crazy" being inside. I have to do this, no excuses.
I need to balance my earth, air, fire and water.
I have felt like there is too much fire and I have really not enjoyed this unseasonal warm weather these last few weeks, today I am grateful for cool winds that feel refreshing and I'm going to go for a light swim to balance out my need for water.
I'd realised that the dizziness is saying I have too much going on in my life - I'm not focused enough, I'm darting from one thing to the next and I need to make a choice.
My nausea is about letting go. (thanks Alex)
I've known for a while what this is but been slightly afraid to do anything about it. I need to let go of my packaging career. On 23rd November 2018 I have been doing it for 20 years. It is not what I enjoy but it pays the bills. And at the moment I need to make money.
I desperately want to put my energy into my Mojo Academy, to help 1000's of women to reconnect with their inner wise woman. I want to write a book about it, and the reason I did it as a membership academy rather than 1 to 1 coaching is to make it affordable and reach as many people as possible.
I now have questions I need to ask myself.
What do I fear of letting go of my Packaging career?
What will happen when I do?
So now I am devising a plan. Setting a date in the future to hang up my packaging coat, and setting timescales to make the Mojo Academy and my book my priority. I need to see Packaging as the day job that pays the bills until the Mojo Academy can. And I need to make this happen now.
This month in the Mojo Academy I've been talking about letting go of the 5 negative emotions - anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt.
I realise I often feel angry at the way people assume I'll do things for free in the packaging industry, I feel sad that things aren't changing as quickly as I'd like them to, I feel fearful of leaving something I'm good at and known for years, and I feel hurt that people in the industry seem to take advantage or me (or should I say I let them) but then I feel guilty for letting them down.
Your unconscious mind will always take the easiest route to get you to your goal, it's ensuring that the easiest route is also the right route. I realise the goal I wrote doesn't specifically say what I want to be doing when I achieve my goal of my home on the Lleyn. Currently the way it is going I'd have a home on the Lleyn but would be spending my time travelling the UK doing packaging assignments.
In the first bundle I have in the Mojo Academy, I tell my wise women to write a specific goal and guide them into how to do this, it's ok to change and modify these goals if you suddenly realise you haven't been specific enough.
Our goals should be specific, but how we get them should not, allowing options and choices to emerge to help us on our way.
How specific are your goals? Are you finding you are heading towards them, but not quite in the way you'd hoped?
Then review and revise.
Listen to your instinct, to your unconscious mind.
Look for the signs and let your inner wise woman guide you to be your own brightest light.
Bright Blessings,
Haulwen