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  • Writer's pictureHaulwen Nicholas

Diary of a Sensitive Soul no. 13

What are the values and beliefs that shape you?

What are you passionate about?

Do you fight for those values and beliefs? 

Should you fight for them?

This post stems from an argument I had with a person on Facebook this last week.


I rarely argue for my values and beliefs with people on social media as I find it too draining.

However, I've said I will do 1 a month  as I think it is sometimes important to fight for what you think is right.

I'd already had a small spat with an environmental group who were personally naming individuals working in retailers and blaming them for the waste in the sea. This infuriates me as I know those individuals do more on a daily basis to help the environment than anyone realises, however their hands are tied. I also, know these indviduals have jeopardised their jobs by standing up to their managers and the industry. Because they think saving the environment is the right thing to do, and guess what, like me, they haven't just jumped on the packaging band wagon they've been doing everything they can to reduce the environmental impact of packaging and food waste for their whole careers. I'm not sure I got anywhere with that argument, but I made my point known. 

The one that really aggrieved me is this person on Facebook, who said that the image was all about "Fat acceptance" and these images were making people think it was acceptable to be fat. (The Image says Never call a girl "fat" ... even if you're joking).

Their argument was because it had been posted by the plus size modelling agency that it was "in their interests " to allow fat acceptance. (I did point out that to be a plus size model you only had to be a size 12).

The person who had posted the original image, had done so because her own daughter had been called fat, even though she wasn't. My fairy goddaughter who is 11 was called fat, and is now paranoid about her food. 

In the end we had to agree to disagree with this person who said the image was fat acceptance, but it really impacted me. I got so angry with them and it kept mulling over in my mind.

The problem is, if someone is fortunate enough to be slim and never have to think about what they eat then they don't understand what its like. 

After the event an example came into my head of what its like to be called fat.

I was called fat, thunder thighs when I was a size 8. I'm a rebel so if you tell me I'm fat I'll shove a whole chocolate bar in my mouth in front of you and say "And". Even though I don't like chocolate that much.

My brother was obese and was bullied a lot at school for his weight, he also in hindsight was dealing with his own inner demons (which he took out on me as a child) and in later life found other outlets before he died. When we cleared out his bedroom and car we found stashes of chocolate bars, hidden in the glove box, under the bed, etc. If you told my brother he was fat, it would spark self-doubt, anxiety, depression and his drug of choice was chocolate.

I spoke about this disagreement I'd had with my husband, he is slim, eats what he likes mainly cake (he loves cake), and goes to the gym, but even if he didn't, he'd be slim. He used some choice words for the person mentioned above, and said he knows people like that who think it's OK to take the "mick" out of people when often you can see they can't help it.

The person mentioned, spouted on about BMI and using that to monitor your weight, I pointed out about many athletes and sports people are actually being classed as obese because thats what the BMI says. A woman actually backed me up on this as her children are athletes who are classed as fat because of their BMI. 

I think it needs to be taken on a case by case scenario.Being slim doesn't mean being healthy. 

I know many a slim person who stays slim because they smoke fags all day and live on alcohol at night. They rarely eat and when they do its junk food. But they're slim.

I know people who would be termed "fat" who eat healthy every day, but their body shape it that body shape.

I have an amazing pair of legs, for a rugby player, when I was a size 8 I'd have to wear trousers a couple of sizes too big so I could fit my calves and thighs. I cannot wear skinny jeans and find it hard to get knee boots to fit around my calves. I also have big boobs. I was a 34 B when I was aged 12. 

Now I'm a size 16, my thighs and calves match the rest of me. I don't drink caffeine, have little alcohol, rarely eat cake. Since quitting my job I've stopped devouring cheese like it was going out of fashion and a block of cheddar can last a month! (that's right, a whole month!).

I endeavour to do 10k to 20k steps a day. I swim once a week and go to the gym once a week. I eat 5 portions of fruit and veg a day and plan to increase it. 

I've not lost weight. My belly is big, my womb is the size of a 4 month pregnancy due to adenomyosis, it will continue to enlarge. My main GP a few years ago told me not to diet with Chronic Fatigue as it will make me ill. (He's right, I tried earlier this year just dropping 200 calories a day and wiped myself out). I'm guessing I don't absorb nutrients properly or convert my food into energy properly, though with CFS/M.E. there is still so much too learn.

My blood pressure is very low, and even though I'm asthmatic my peak flow meter reading is that of someone half my age. My resting heart rate is typically around the 55bpm though earlier this week it was 45bpm when I was meditating. 

On the BMI I'm classed as obese, I've realised I can't base my life on this scale which doesn't apply to me. So I do what I can to stay healthy. I eat a colourful wholesome diet, exercise daily and enjoy life. 

I also can't do the waist to rest of body ratio measurement due to my adenomyosis. 

My personal value is I stay healthy doing what is right for me. Yes, there is an obesity crisis, actually there is just an eating disorder crisis, not just obesity but anorexia etc.

We should never insult someone, we have no idea of their circumstances and why they are like they are. We all come in different shapes and sizes. Me, I'm a curvy hour glass which if I wear a slinky dress makes me look like Jessica Rabbit. My husband's not complaining! 

We need to give all girls and boys growing up role models to aspire to who lead healthy lifestyles but are all shapes and sizes. I watched Black Panther last night, and that was inspiring. Melissa McCarthy is my hero, also love Sandra Bullock, Angelina Jolie and many other female stars. Though my ultimate hero is Helena Bonham Carter, because she stays quirky. 

So lets all be kind and understanding. Whether a person is skinny, of fat, or black, or white, yellow or brown, is ginger, blonde, or brunette or bald, has a disability both visible or invisible etc. Lets stand up for the right for us all to be us, to be individual and to support those who are in crisis in need of help.

Stand up for your values and your beliefs to help others.

Bright Blessings to all of you.

My mini rant over. :-)

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