January has gone and I find it is always one of those strange months, don't you?
There is the this anticipation of new beginnings, with a contradictory feeling of "bleurgh" - why "bleurgh" well it's not really sadness, and it's not disappointment, but its of wanting more but not knowing where to go. The nights are still dark and the glow of the holiday celebrations a distance memory. Is it really the month to make new resolutions and make changes? NO, I don't believe it is. It's a month when we should recharge and hibernate. Yet we head off to the gym and plan to diet on salads when we should be cosying up with soup and books and wearing jumpers and fluffy socks, wrapped in lush blankets.
I didn't do the gym and diet thing but I did do the "lets get going, lets put loads of energy into driving forward and starting the year off as I wanted it to go". Yet that isn't what happened. On January 1st I'd anticipated I'd have been doing something different, but that thing, that I thought, as you do, was the right thing, wasn't. I said"NO".
We've all said,"no" in our lives but this one was a stop the world moment. I'd worked hard on preparation, I'd put in a lot of my energy and I kept finding I was not getting answers. My gut was telling me something wasn't right, but people around me and my conscious mind were saying to plough ahead, this would be great. I decided to set a deadline, and on that day the offer I'd been anticipating came through, yet it felt so wrong. We've all been there. You nod politely, they are saying everything you thought you wanted to hear, yet your stomach is churning, something isn't quite right and you can't put your finger on it can you?
I listened to the whole telephone conversation and as I comprehended each word I realised what it would mean to say, "Yes" it would mean I would lose my freedom. As I put down the phone and said that"I'd get back to them" I knew my answer, it was "NO". I slept on my decision, to make sure, but the next morning I knew that my decisions was correct and even though logic said I should say,"Yes" I knew I had to say,"NO".
When I pressed send on that email I felt an incredible lightness and I felt an incredible clarity. As though all the stars had aligned and I now truly knew my ultimate purpose and what I should do.
I took the pressure off my self and did what one should do in January, you know, I rested, I recharged and I looked to the future with kind and gentle eyes, and I waited.
Since I said, "NO" more opportunities have arisen, better opportunities, ones that align with me.
I can now clearly see how all my knowledge links together and how I can help others on their journey and it feels a good place to be.
So I go into February with fresh ideas, fresh eyes, - the nights are getting lighter, the snowdrops are blooming and the daffodils are in the shops so I can fill my home with colour.
Now is when I can start planning for 2018, now is when I can start thinking of the future. Now is when I can be me. February is still a time to ease into things, so don't rush, rest and enjoy those cold days and dark evenings, just as the plants and animals do, recharge for the year ahead, jot down those ideas. It will soon be spring when the energy in all of us rises, embrace change then and watch the new growth grow.
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