It's 2 years today 2nd June 2019, since I left my corporate world job.
I want to share with you my own journey and growth.
I am a completely different person than I was.
I am not where I thought I'd be then.
I am not who I thought I'd be.
Every part of my being is different.
My mind is completely different - calmer, happier, gentler, more loving, sexier, wiser, positive, optimistic, hopeful, thankful, grateful.
My body is completely different - thinner, curvier, sexier, toned, supple, strong, healthy, fit, calm, nurtured, energised, vibrant.
My soul is reconnected - I am a witch, I am a sage, I am a mentor, I am a coach, I am a wise woman, I embrace my passions, I embrace my spirit, I love and cherish my quirkiness and awkwardness. I love myself unconditionally. I now know it's OK to put me first.
I have a whole journey ahead of me and I will continue to learn and grow everyday until I am no longer in my physical form and pass onto wherever it is our cells and molecules, our essence goes to.
I now know who I am, I will discover more about me over time and I will live and love every moment.
This my new business year, is about saying yes to the opportunities I want in my life and knowing I can say NO to what I do not want.
My journey has been a rollercoaster ride and it has taken pain and perseverance to get to today. It has not been easy.
I had no idea it would take me 18 months to finally get the message that self-care had to always be number one on my to do list. Now it is, I feel connected with every part of me.
I had no idea it would take me 18-months to embrace my femininity, my true self, my wise woman, my witch, to be who I am.
I had no idea that my business success would be totally related to my self-care success.
I had no idea how to proceed on this journey and how to stop listening to all the "advice" that I was given and just be true to me.
In hindsight I should have taken 6 months off and switched off from everything I had done before. My job, my career, my working world, many of my friends and my family and to focus on me. But fear drove me to cling on to all of that like a safety blanket that was ready to disintegrate.
Yet now I can see clearly that my truth was always clambering for attention - my inner wise woman was screaming to be heard and she would lash out at me with illness, depression, anxiety, self doubt - desperately trying to be heard.
I hear her now.
I now know I have much to let go of.
Anger, sadness, fear, hurt and guilt I have done away with and will continue to work on to release me and allow me to spread my wings.
I let go of limiting beliefs that have crushed me for so long.
And now I am letting go of stuff. The clothes I wore to be me, but are no longer me. The books, the hobbies, the stuff. Cluttering up my home and with it my heart, my soul, my body and mind. All becoming stagnant, frozen in fear. Of what others will think, of guilt for the past, for anger at past mistakes and injustices. But now I am grown.
I am a wiser woman than I have ever been, and although I still have much work to do I can see my future and I stop craving for it and live in the present, live in the moment. Taking each small step and looking for ways the path can take me on further adventures to explore new worlds and new opportunities for magic, wonder and learning.
I've used Myers Briggs, NLP, Time line TherapyTM, hypnotherapy to help me. I've read and self taught, I've embraced the Psychologies Life Leap Group as my family.
I have seen every set back and stopped and listened. Why this? Why now? What do I need to learn? From the sprained ankle and torn achilles tendon within 2 months of my leaving my job, to the ME/CFS flair ups, the self-doubt, the fear and anxiety over money, the fear and anxiety over what people would think. The fear of embracing my truth. To the health scare with my husband, to the doubts about our future, to the vertigo that floored me and really made me think about the dizziness I was causing myself with my never ending thoughts.
I won a top award for the packaging industry and felt a fraud, I became an Ambassador for Psychologies magazine and felt my wings unfurl. I made new friends, I let go of old ones. I embraced a new way of being, and found the exercise and foods I love.
I've returned to my roots, to my core and found my true elements - air, water. I know to root in Each, to connect with my spirit and to balance my fire.
I feel happier, younger, healthier and more passionate than any other moment in my life. And on those grey dark days where I felt like I could do no more than get out of bed. I dreamed. I dreamed and my dreams have come true because I already had them, I just didn't know it.
I dreamed of living in a place in the countryside (I live on an edge of a village in the countryside, with a 2 minute walk into open country). I dream of big skies (they are a 5 minute walk away), I dream of being in sunshine and nature (I walk every day), I dream of being near water (a beautiful river and stream, only a 20 minute walk from my home), I dream of being able to swim and exercise when I want (my gym is a 7 minute drive away with a pool, equipment and I can walk daily), I dream of working for myself (I do), I dream of being financially free (I am, in the fact I have managed on 1/7 of my original salary and don't feel like I have missed out). I dream of being true to me. I am.
When I set out on this journey I was lost and even then I felt I knew that others needed a guide, a mentor, a sage, a wise woman to guide them on their journeys. As part of this journey I realised that is always what I have been, a person who is there for others in their time of need and then I move on to the next person who needs my support. Now I do this professionally, with my one to one coaching and via my Mojo Academy. Every time I get some feedback from one of my wise women I do a little happy dance. Whether its the next step they have made, the fact the postcard I sent had the right message for them for that moment in their lives. Those messages mean so much to me and fill me up with light.
And now that I believe in me and I know my power, I shine brightly. Not bright as I did before, where anyone could easily dim my light by standing over me. But so bright that I blind the naysayers and guide the lost ships to port.
I will still have large waves to ride and storms to navigate over the coming days, weeks, months and years. But I know I can do this. I know I am strong. I know I am bright.
Now I shine for me, and the people who need guidance.
Now I look for you, the person I connect with deeply where we can discuss fairies and vampires.
Now I am me. I know my name, I know my truth.
I am Sunshine.
Bright Blessings to a beautiful summer.
Haulwen xx