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  • Writer's pictureHaulwen Nicholas

Don't judge a book by its cover

've been a bit quiet here, my world a blur of opportunities and meet ups with wonderful people. I feel blessed and love the life I lead and each person I meet I see as someone who will bring something into my life. Whether it's a smile on a sad day or a lesson for me to learn.

One thing I've come to realise is that people are a lot more judgemental about things in life and it saddens me.

We judge people on labels "millennials" "baby boomers" "generation X"

We judge people on what they wear, the way they look, their social background.

We judge circumstances and don't look beyond.

We really do not open our eyes to the magic and wonder in our world, the world around us and the people in our world.

I remember my mom telling me a story about when I was a child and another mother saying to her that she wouldn't allow her children to play with council house kids. My mom quickly responded and pointed at the woman's children playing with me and my brother and said "well they are at the moment".

You see I am a council house kid. Not your traditional council house, but a council farm. Many people don't realise that most farmers are living in rented farms - many were in the past owned by the council's but have since been sold off. As I child I was stigmatised in senior school for being a farmers daughter, it was assumed and still is that if you're a farmer you have loads of money! (the big landowners might, but most farmers don't and most these days rely on wives and children to work elsewhere to keep the small family farms alive). 

I was singled out in judo and had my head "kicked in" for being part of a police judo club.

I'm a bit awkward, odd and different and that can make people single you out.

When I was single I never had men ask me out on dates because I quote "I was classed as being out of their league" a couple of my relationships broke up quite early on because these men, who were lovely, were told by their own families and friends that I was too good for them.

It's funny how judgemental we can be. Yet we close our eyes, our hearts and minds to so much magic and wonder, by not being kind and by being judgemental. It makes me sad.

You see I've never really seen people in that way. My friends range from people with doctorates and phD's to factory workers, shop assistants, brick layers.  People are surprised that my background is a family from the West Midlands, West Bromwich and Dudley a family I am fiercely proud of, who if I called them tomorrow would be at my side. And a family from the Shropshire Welsh borders, mainly farmers, all had council farms and all would be here in a heart beat. My husband has worked in factories all his life and his family are steel workers and miners and now most work in factories. I love them all dearly and I can assure you they know how to have a good time.

Yet no one would expect that to me my background. I have a neutral accent, people assume I'm a bit "posh" until they get to know me. I love meeting new people on my own terms and laughing and loving life with them.

But then I hear words from people I love and cherish that surprises me. I'm not talking about the divisions caused by Brexit or Trump. I'm not talking about your standard forms of discrimination race, gender, sexuality etc. No, I'm talking about the judgements people make because of a persons job title.

We live in a "side swipe" generation due to dating apps and I've heard anecdotes of these app's and people saying that people side swipe for the simplest of reasons. And a job title is one of them.

I heard someone saying "well you wouldn't want to date someone who worked in a factory" - actually I would - I've spent 20 years working in the fast moving consumer goods industry and a good proportion of that time I was in factories in steel toe caps, white coat, hair net, no make up. And I'd date those guys in factories in a heart beat, I'd be friends with those people and I am. My husband has worked in factories all his life and is a maintenance electrical engineer - he also spends most of his time reading books on quantum theory, politics etc. Of my 4 proper boyfriends 3 have worked in factories and 1 was a farmer.

I used to have a hairdressing assistant who we would discuss everything from environmental issues such as climate change, the latest literature, books on quantum theory, along with books on myth, legend, ghost etc. He is now back at University doing a degree in biochemistry.

At a recent wedding I was talking with a metal work fabricator about astrology, along with 2 coaches.

Why are we so quick to judge?

A friend recently worked for the Royal Mail as a supervisor and put up a post asking people to offer the post men and women a drink and the use of a bathroom. And to not be abusive and shoo them on when they were getting a rest or some shade. She said people really belittle them because they see people working for the Royal Mail as a "last resort job".

Working in an abattoir is my last resort job. Royal Mail is currently my back up plan should my business go tits up or a nice part time job to keep me busy in retirement as my pensions are worth nothing. I can't comprehend why anyone would be rude to these people.

But it's also made me realise why my life is so blessed. Today many people made me laugh and with it that laughter brought magic and wonder into my life.

The lads in my local store chatting to me about tattoo's. I've seen people talk down to them and it annoys me.

My neighbour colluding with me to "steal some plants" from the derelict school (he is in his 70's). 

The lady with dementia (who always remembers exactly who I am) and also is in her 70's sashaying down the street saying that was how I was walking. We must have been a right sight one of us on either side of the roundabout sashaying. 

The DHL driver, the DPD driver, the Hermes driver all waving to me on my walks. 

The banter with the bin men as they clipped the young lad around the ear for trying to flirt with me as I pointed out I was old enough to be his mother. 

The two Royal Mail operatives taking the piss out of each other not realising anyone was about, then looking sheepish when they saw me and laughing when they realised I was crying with laughter at their antics. And then one of them later pulling faces at me and threatening to push me off the bridge I was sat on into the river. (believe me I will get my own back!)

 The numerous dog walkers who all joke about how they need to bring me their dogs to walk (another back up plan become a professional dog walker). 

And the two women and their children who got lost down the lanes and I guided them to where they needed to go.

Perhaps I'm a rare breed, but I find treating everyone with respect and dignity brings so much magic and wonder into our lives. Last week I got  free cakes because me and my friend had been nice to a waitress when other restaurant visitors had clicked their fingers at her, shooed her away or came onto her. (and the guy was old enough to be her grandad). 

A new friend who I've only met 3 times invited me on holiday with her and to stay at her home whenever I want. 

I get discounts and freebies. I get introductions and help and support. I make new friends and I let go of friends and with all of this life my life is full of magic and wonder. My life is truly blessed.

So next time you wonder why your life is not how you want it to be. Look at how you treat yourself, look at how you treat others. Reflect, review, rewind and renew your life.

Stop judging people by the cover that they may have.

Open your heart and mind. The person you may need in your life right now, might not be the one you expected it to be.

Bright Blessings


The Magical Mojo Coach

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