Diary of a sensitive soul no. 19
We are the makers of our past, our present and our future. But how many of us feel sorry for ourselves and hope that a white knight will save us.
For me it was never a white knight, I would dream of fairies taking me away and fixing everything, sometimes I imagined a vampire with wealth would save me. We’re brought up that as women we need saving from something and that only a man can do it.
Most fairy tales and most stories in the past were based on this premise. We fall into a trap of stereotypes and we hear it all the time.
I remember when I resigned from my job, it was about 6 months after one of the seniors in my team had resigned and he was a man. This is what was said to me “oh is this because you’ve lost a strong man in your team to support you”. I’d had the same said when another man in my team had left “how will you cope without him here for you”. Both men left to pursue the next steps in their careers which was to be a head of department like me, so I knew they would leave, as until I left I couldn’t offer them the same.
The only issue I had when I lost senior men in my team was the fact that other departments would not take the women in my team seriously and it would take them months of being put down and discredited and comments like “when he was here” - even though those same departments complained constantly about most men in my team as being arrogant or not knowing what they were doing. (they were no more arrogant than the men they were dealing with)
It was so frustrating and I would get so annoyed. And because of these preconceptions the women would back down and say, “They won’t take me seriously because I’m not a man” or “perhaps we need the men in our team to do this”.
Equally the men are tarred with the brush the other way, the expectation to save the woman, that they won’t be good in certain women type roles and to be the provider, to “man up” instead of acknowledging their feelings. Yet many men don’t want this either.
We need to break these stereotypes and it starts with you.
You do not need saving.
You have all of the answers within you to save yourself. You are an amazing being who can make stuff happen and pitying ourselves is not going to change things.
One thing thats become clear to me, since I left my job, is that I truly think I am the luckiest person on the planet.
My free holiday this week in Wales is a prime example. I’ve been dreaming of having a week here on my own for years.
As I drove here the sun started to shine as I I saw the first glimpse of sea. Today, I am in the clouds, literally, my cottage is on a mountain and we spend a proportion of most days in the clouds, but the weather changes quickly and I will see the view at some point. Many people who come here just focus on the time in the clouds, not seeing the view, instead of how quickly the weather changes and in a few hours I’ll probably have bright sunshine (This happened yesterday and I was actually sunbathing in the afternoon). I see the clouds as an opportunity to focus on my writing and not to be distracted by the scenery around me. (and as I was typing this the clouds cleared so I could see the sea, as if to prove my point).
In my last job I felt sorry for myself all the time, and all I did was complain about it. The more I complained the worse it got. Now I see how my own self-destructive negative thoughts were creating my own reality. Everyone around me was negative too, yet since I’ve changed so have the people around me. I was feeling sorry for myself, i’d allow the negative comments in, I allowed the organisation to impact my reality and I allowed them to destroy my confidence. Note how I say I allowed them. I remember when I resigned saying, “They’ll only be happy when they have a man doing the job” - I was creating my own reality.
I would day dream often of being saved, and I confess that even since leaving I’d day dream of being saved, hoping someone would take pity on me, and help me out.
But now its different! It’s taken me a good 6 months of doing daily oracle card reading, journalling, daily gratitude and reading positive affirmations to get me to stop looking for a saviour. I know I can get my dream and I can achieve my dreams if I just focus on it and start living my dream now.
Yes, I do still have times when I pity myself - but now I’ll throw myself a pity party - snuggle up with a dvd, some nice food and drink and within a couple of hours its gone, I find it much easier to get out of that place.
I’m a woman living in the western world and although there are many things to be fearful of, they are all outside my sphere of influence. I can drive a car, have a job, wear what I like, walk down the street. I know I will always have a roof over my head and food on my plate. And for that I am truly thankful.
So next time you feel like pitying yourself, hold yourself a pity party, embrace it and then do some journalling, do some gratitude work and remind yourself of the blessings around you.
Be thankful for what you have now and you will create your own future.
The Magical Mojo Coach