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  • Writer's pictureHaulwen Nicholas

Communication preferences - what are yours?

We all wake and take in the world yet each of us perceives it in a different way.

What do you notice first on waking?

Perhaps it's the birdsong, or the sound of the wind, the sound of traffic going by, or the silence.

Perhaps you notice the light coming through your window, the colours in your room, what you can see as you wake up.

For others you may notice the smell, perhaps of lavender on your pillow or if your window is open the smell of rain on hot ground.

Whereas others will notice the way the blanket feels on them or perhaps the taste in their mouth.

Along with these stimuli you may be noticing how you feel - a weighty feeling in your stomach if you are not looking forward to the day, or perhaps feeling light if the day ahead looks promising.

And some of you will be thinking about what you need to do, and getting out of bed and going about your day.

We can also be a combination of the above and each of us will perceive the world in a different way. But do you take account for that in your daily interactions?

Let;s start with waking - if you are someone who is quite visual then is your bedroom visually appealing to make you want to get out of bed? If you are more auditory is your room quiet enough or too quiet? perhaps smell may impact you so does it feel fresh? Or do the bed clothes feel comfortable?

All of the above will impact your sleep and how you wake. But each of us will have different stimuli. So need to find what is right for us.

Now think about how you communicate with friends, family and work colleagues. How often do you have a disagreement and can't figure out what has caused it. Often it's a little thing of having a different communication preference. For example one of you might be very logic based and are looking for things to make sense. Where as another may be more focused on decisions based on feel and how it will make you or others feel. Neither of you are being unkind to the other, you are using different language and just like speaking a different language, these communication preferences can lead to misunderstanding and when this happens all the time it can be exhausting and depleting.

Take a look at your life and listen to the language you and others use.

Think about a presentation - do you prefer something more visual? Perhaps you need the facts? and of course you are been talked to so you can hear what is being discussed. Often those with a feeling preference feel left out, as they can not touch and feel the information (perhaps you doodle or eat during these times). But look at the language people use - someone who is more visual may say I see that, looks good etc. Someone with an auditory preference may say I hear what you're saying, that ring a bell. Someone who is more logical may say that makes sense. And someone more feeling may say yes that feels right to me.

Once we understand these preferences in ourselves we can recognise them in others. And then tweak our language to help be understood by others with a different preference.

This is a short snippet into communication preferences, but hopefully it gives you insights into why if you are in an environment which doesn't suit you then it can be draining.

If you want to learn more on this and other topics I offer one to one coaching in person in Oswestry and via zoom for people not local to me. Just email me for more details.

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