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  • Writer's pictureHaulwen Nicholas

Are you in your compliance zone



From the day we are born we are taught the rules of the society we live in. We know many of these rules and guidelines are there to help and support us, but over time we also find some rules aren't always equal and some expectations aren't equal either.


As children enter the schooling system they are taught to comply with tests and grades. Yet what works for one child doesn't work for another. One can be great at tests and another not so. But the world of compliance has started. You didn't pass the test, so you don't comply.


In our teenage years we are expected to make decisions about our whole life by the subjects we choose to take. We have expectations from family, from friends, from society as a whole about what is a worthwhile path and what isn't. Science and engineering is often seen as better than the arts, literature and language. And so again we teach our young people to comply. You can't be an artist and scientist. You can't be this and you can't be that.


For women in particular there are expectations on how we should behave, dress, look and just be in the world. We're told to have children by a certain age, and we're told we should be grateful even for things we don't enjoy. We're told to comply on our sexuality, and on who we want to be. And as a society we point the finger at those that "don't comply" seeing them as other, and other is scary.


In my coaching I often speak with women who have lost themselves to complying to the masks they feel they must wear - mother, daughter, sister, lover, friend, wife, career women etc etc.


Often we've been taught to put other peoples needs first - and thus we comply with jobs that sap us of energy. Doing exercise we are told we should do even though we hate it. Watching tv shows we dislike to have something to talk about with the mum's at the school gates or with colleagues over lunch.


We're told that if we have a good career, even if its exhausting, we should be grateful. We're taught to accept and to know our place.


All of this makes us compliant and when we comply to things which clash with our own value and belief systems, its exhausting. We deplete ourselves because we are lost and often feel alone. Who are we to question, we should be grateful, we should be happy.


We comply in what we wear. We comply by dying our hair as grey isn't acceptable. We comply by wearing heels when we want to wear flats, or vice versus, we comply by being polite when we want to rage. We comply by staying in relationships that aren't right for us. We comply by staying friends with energy draining people. We comply by choosing the home we should choose not the one we love. We comply when we give up on our dreams.


So many people actually don't even know where their true comfort zone is, the one where they shine brightly, the one where they love life, the one where they know their cosy zone so they can heal. So many have been brought up to comply that they don't have an identity they can call their own.


I've done it myself, dimmed my light, wore the dull clothes, didn't get the tattoos I wanted I have them now), to comply.


So many people can judge us on so many levels, so it seems easier to comply, but then you dim your light and it can be hard to reignite your flames.


Where are you complying in your life?

your home? your work? your friends? your hobbies? your family?


Check how this compliance is draining you and seek out small changes to make each day to reconnect with your comfort zone.


Join my Magical Mojo Academy if you'd like to learn how to drop the masks and regain your energy. You can find out more HERE.

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